Triggers can be very overwhelming to deal with. I have had them happen when I least expect them. I know what triggers my emotions and I try to avoid them at all costs. But sometimes, it just doesn't happen that way. When I encounter a situation that may cause an emotional trigger for me, I try to talk myself through it (in my head of course!). I take a few deep breaths and try to concentrate on something else. Holidays are like the worst for me; families are all together celebrating. Seeing the closeness and the family atmosphere makes me start thinking of what I am missing in my own birth sons life.
It can be hard but you just have to get through it. I look at my birth son and think, he's healthy, happy, and seems very content in his life. That gets me through the rough patch and it gives me the comfort I need to move forward. But then I start to think about it again and get a little envious of the adopted family. I feel sometimes they took my memories from me. Then I stop and go over in my mind what is going on. That's when I say, "it is not the adopted families fault, all they did was raise him and love him". I thank God for that everyday.
So see, triggers can be very complicated and make you feel and think things you would not normally feel. You just have to know what your triggers are and try to deal with them the best you can. Time and patience go hand in hand, I was never a patient person, but going through this has changed that for me. It has taught me how to come to terms with what happened and also showed me how to have patience with myself and what could happen.
Adoption is a touchy subject and for anyone who hasn't been through it, they will never understand what we as birthmoms (and birthdads) go through. We have to learn to channel our feelings, guilt, anger, and regrets in a healthy and safe way. Writing is a way for me to do this; being able to write about your feelings here is a great way to deal with issues. For me it has been a horrible week, the last 7 days have been like I was in another world. Just knowing I have this responsibility of writing every week helps me tremendously. I think I have spent most of my days going over the blogs here. It is almost scary reading a blog and its like your own words you are writing.. But it is also a comfort to know that I am not losing my mind.
Although triggers can be very emotional and make you feel like you are losing it, you can bring yourself out of it and go on. You need to be patient with yourself, and take time for YOU. Writing, listening to music, walking, or talking with a friend can be ways to for you to cope with what you have going on at that time. Having a good support system is also very important so never be afraid to reach out to someone here for support.
How do you cope with triggers?