Happy

I know I posted late! Sorry to everyone!!
Happy Saturday to all of you reading!!!!

Today is a happy day :) It's my birthday. On this day I find myself grateful and happy and content. Everything seems to be going the right way. Like I've found my path and I'm walking it with the support of many friends and family and with the guidance of God.I find myself not looking back to the pain I went through but to the future. I guess my message this week for all of you is that of hope. The hope that one day you too will be happy and content, not sad and pain filled. There is light at the end of that tunnel.

I hope that you all have a great week!

Sarah 

Fear

Happy Saturday to all of you reading!

I hope this week has been good to all of you and I am very happy that you are reading this. I hope this blesses you in some way.

First some funny news; I recently saw a video by G and K with ML in it. I’m going to change how I refer to ML to Sock now because in that video they asked what his name was and he answered “Sock”. I laughed watching him laugh and smile.

I can’t help but be so incredibly grateful for G and K. I have read other birthmother’s stories about dealing with their children’s adoptive parents and I am astounded at the lack of kindness and respect from some adoptive parents. I guess I had rose-colored glasses when it came to adoptive parents because Sock’s are so amazing.  Why is it so hard for birthmothers and adoptive parents to get along? To respect and love each other as important people in their child’s life?

Personally I know that it was awkward and hard at first to figure out where I fit into G and K’s life. What is my role in Sock’s life? Do G and K want me really involved? What’s crossing the line? Is it ok to do this or that? I know that for the first year of Sock’s life, G and K were wonderful. Every month I got to see Sock either at K’s mothers house, the park, my house, or another public place. I got to see Sock develop and it was so wonderful. Yet at the same time I didn’t know exactly how to act in front of them with Sock. I didn’t want them to think I was trying to parent or trying to take the place of mother. I didn’t want them to be uncomfortable. After that first year(at Sock’s 1^st birthday party) things changed. The changes weren’t bad; it was just different.

I had to realize that they needed to bond as a family and I had to move forward with my life. If those two things were going to happen then there needed to be a change in visitation. So I saw Sock less. I wish I had had the courage earlier in the relationship to ask G and K what they wanted from me and what they saw my role as but I didn’t want to mess anything up.  I was scared. So another year went by without me asking vital questions that should be asked and answered from the start.

In that year (this past year), G and K moved out of state, had another beautiful baby boy and they still keep in touch. They visit every now and again and I get to see Sock at least once or twice a year. This past time that I saw him I finally had the courage to talk to G and K about what they saw as my role in Sock’s life. I didn’t know what to expect but I was nervous. What if they said that they didn’t want me in his life at all; that my role was an observer and I wasn’t to be involved in a meaningful way. The answer I got was just amazing. They see me as a meaningful person in Sock’s life. They see me as part of the family and while Sock won’t call me mom (which is just fine by me) he’ll still see me as a close friend and ally. I couldn’t ask for more.

It’s taken two years for G and K and I to work out where we fit into each others lives. While to some that may seem like a really long time, I think it’s fairly short. But back to what I said earlier in this post. I think the answer is fear. I think that both adoptive parents and birthmothers are scared. It’s understandable fear but, as I’ve found, if you can get past that fear there is a relationship that will enrich both parties lives. And yes there is the exception to this. There are some that will never get past their fear and those in semi-open and closed adoptions might also be exceptions but one can still hope that the fear in adoption can be replaced. I have to hope that one day that this fear will be gone from adoption and I am striving to make that happen to the best of my ability.

 

"It has stayed with me through my own relationships. When I fell in love and got married, I lived in constant fear of being left. Whatever you love most, you fear you might lose, you know it can change. Why do you look from left to right when you cross the street? Because you don’t want to get run over. But, you still cross the street. The best thing to hold on to in life is each other." ~ Audrey Hepburn.

Picture courtesy of Google

An Introduction: Sarah's Story

Hello all!


Introductions are in order :) My name is Sarah: I am a senior at the University of Central Florida studying Social Work, I am a sister, daughter, girlfriend, and friend; I own a pembroke welsh corgi named Pepper, who is extremely feisty and I am a birthmother. The story of my son, ML(his initials), and I is very long and complicated so I'll try to give you the short version with more details as I continue to blog.


Two years ago I was attending a college in another state. I had a boyfriend who decided to visit me against my parents wishes and suffice it to say we were incredibly stupid, stubborn and I was naive. I didn't think I was pregnant until I got home for winter break. My mom commented on how I was always sleeping and wondered if I was pregnant. I, of course, denied everything and anything. I privately took a pregnancy test and found out I was but I continued to deny it. On the break, while I was less than three months pregnant, I rode roller coasters and I drank alcohol and I did everything that as a pregnant woman should not do. In January, when I went back to school, I started losing a lot of weight and convinced myself again that I couldn't be pregnant because I was losing so much weight. The school found out I was pregnant and made me call my parents and tell them. After a lot of drama with the school I asked my mom if I could just come home. My mom drove with my then boyfriend to pick me up and bring me home.


At home I found more peace than at school. My parents were shocked and they went through stages of anger and disappointment but they rallied behind me and gave me a ton of support. I at first had decided that my boyfriend and I would work towards marriage and raise our son together. To make a long part of this story short, at 8 months pregnant he told me he was in love with someone else and wanted to be with her over our son and I. So I said goodbye to him and found myself lost as to what to do. I didn't want G in my life or in my son's and I knew that if I raised my son I would have to see G and that my son would be affected. My mom and I looked into adoption and talked with a few good friends about it and we were directed to an agency. Through the agency, G's rights were terminated, however I had him involved so that he wouldn't be able to make a fuss at all after the adoption went through.


At this point I'm about to look at family profiles and decide who was going to raise my son. I had a long list of qualifications such as my son had to be their first child, they had to like music, sports, they had to have dogs and they had to want other children besides my son, etc. G and I had already named our son but I realized that the parents would decide what they wanted. I told my mom and dad that if my qualifications weren't met then I would raise my son myself. Only the best for my son. My mom told me I'd never find anyone who met all my qualifications. Before I could look at any profiles, an old friend of the family told my mom that she knew a couple that were interested in adoption and would I be willing to meet them. The only reason I said yes was because this woman was like a second mom to me.


I was extremely nervous meeting this couple as I'm sure they were with meeting me. To my surprise the people who walked in were my old youth pastors and their eldest son and daughter in law. I was shocked but happy at the same time because this was a family I knew since I was little. I had never met G and K but I knew his parents and his 3 younger brothers. I didn't really want to say anything or ask questions so my mom took the lead and asked them everything. Turns out they met everything on my list of qualifications. I had to leave for an outing with my sister but my mom stayed and talked some more with them. Later on my mom told me that the name G and K had picked out for their first son was the same name that G and I had picked out. It was then I knew that they were to be my son's parents. God had set it up in such a beautiful way.


I'm sure I'll fill you all in on the small details later. We have an open adoption and I get to see ML about twice a year and I feel like I am a part of their family. I couldn't have found better adoptive parents. G and K treat me like a sister and they are really, truly wonderful people. Through this experience I found that I want to change society's view of birthmothers. 


I hope that through this blog I can help other birthmothers in some small way :) 


Have a great week!!


~ Sarah