BMB Retreat 2018

Save the date for the 2018 BirthMom Buds Retreat! 

Fundraising for the 2017 BMB Retreat

We are currently fundraising for the 2017 BirthMom Buds Retreat. Please consider making a donation to help us have a successful retreat. You can view our Go Fund Me Page here.

For more information about the 2017 BMB Retreat, please click here.

2017 BMB Retreat

2016 BMB Retreat Recap

We had an amazing time at the 2016 Birthmom Buds Retreat from April 29th-May 1st in Charlotte, North Carolina.  This year's theme was Sole Sisters: Never Walk the Journey Alone.  Every table decorated at the retreat represented a different kind of shoe.  It was definitely loved by the ladies witha BIG shoe space in their closets!!




We kicked things off with a Mixer on Friday night at the NC Music Factory where we caught up, ate barbecue, and played "Minute to Win it"! All of the ladies were separated into two teams and one at a time, each team had to send one person up to complete against one from the other where they played ridiculous games for 1 minute against each other.  I felt bad for the people in the next room because we were definitely NOT quiet, haha! It was hilarious and a lot of fun!

Saturday morning, we kicked the day off with an activity in which a stack of cards was passed around the room, with each card having a different shoe.  Each lady picked out a shoe that she believed represented her the best.  We all then went around the room and explained why we chose the shoe we did.  Next, we headed out into our breakout session!  This year, Amy Schumaker led a session titled, "Identifying your Support System".  Betty Phillips  taught others some helpful strategies she has used to get through the holidays.  Jennifer Abbe shared how vision boards helped her picture her future and helped others make their own boards to be a reminder of their dreams and goals for the future.  Leah Outten and Amy Schumaker led a discussion with others on adoptions down the road to help navigate topics such as relationship changes and maintaining boundaries.  After breakout sessions, we moved on to craft time where everyone made their own ...yes....shoes!!  Next, we all moved to a yummy italian bar complete with salad, garlic bread, and two different kinds of pastas.

We started the afternoon portion of the day with a balloon release where attendees wrote a prayer, wish, or dream for their child on a slip of paper, tied it to a balloon, prayed, and then released it.  Leilani shared a devotion she wrote describing the different friends in your life and relating them to different types of shoes. Amy Schumaker, fellow birthmom, shared her story. Next, local adoptive mom, Ginny Chole and her daughter, Lindsay Smith (also an adoptive mom) spoke beautifully, sharing their hearts and love for the birth moms of their children.  I can personally say that everyone in that room was touched by their words.

We then watched the 2016 slideshow Coley created and afterward held the candlelight ceremony.  We ended the day, by announcing the 2016 Buddy of the Year.  Congratulations to Leah Outten!

   

That evening, we went to Mellow Mushroom for dinner as a group.  This was a time in which we reflected on the weekend, laughed, and got to know more about each other!  We ended the festivities on Sunday morning with a bittersweet farewell breakfast.

We want to take a moment to thank everyone who played a part in making this year's retreat a success.  Thanks to all the birth moms who attended, the sponsors and contributors who helped pull off this event, and the many people who donated items for our gift bags.  Special thanks to Melanie Mosberg, our event coordinator.

This event would not have been possible without each of you!

2016 BirthMom Buds Retreat

For additional information about the 2016 BirthMom Buds Retreat please visit this webpage.

2015 BMB Retreat Recap

We had a fabulous time at the 2015 BirthMom Buds Retreat May 1 - 3 in Charlotte, North Carolina. 

This year’s theme was Queen of the Jungle and cute jungle animals donned the tables and décor. We kicked off things with a Pizza Party Mixer on Friday night. After enjoying pizza, we played some icebreaker-style games. Birthmom Bingo was really fun and watching the paper plate game was funny. Participants had to draw a scene, following our directions, with the paper plate on their heads! 

Saturday morning we kicked off the all day celebration with a couple of get to know you games at each of the tables. Then we headed straight into breakout sessions. This year, Terri Gake led a session entitled Empowering Yourself through Faith. Betty Philips taught others how to navigate a reunion. Leah Outten encouraged everyone to write and share their valuable story. Amy Schumaker shared the importance of self care with attendees. After breakout sessions, we moved on to craft time where everyone made a washer necklace. We then moved on to a yummy make your own fajita bar complete with chocolate cake for desert. 

We started the afternoon portion of the day with a balloon release where attendees wrote a prayer, wish, or dream for their child on a slip of paper, tied it to the balloon, prayed, and then released upward. Betty Phillips, fellow birthmother, and her (birth) son, Logan Funderburk, shared their adoption stories. A local adoptive Mom, Lindsay Smith, shared her heart and love for the birthmoms of her children. Following Lindsay, Leilani shared an inspirational devotion about the power of a lioness. We then watched the 2015 slideshow Coley created and afterward held the candlelight ceremony. We ended the day, by announcing the 2015 Buddy of the Year. Congratulations to Amy Schumaker! 

That evening, we went to dinner as a group and then walked to see the Duke Energy building in Uptown Charlotte which was lit up pink and lavender for the night in honor of BirthMom Buds. We ended the festivities on Sunday morning with a bittersweet farewell breakfast. 

We want to take a moment to thank everyone who played a part in making this year’s retreat a success. Thanks to all the birthmoms who attended, the sponsors and contributors who helped us pull of f this event, and the many people who donated items for our Swag Bags. Special thanks to Melanie Mosberg, our event coordinator. This event would not have been possible without each of you!

Check out more photos on our Facebook page! 

We’re already looking forward to next year!

2015 BMB Retreat

The 2015 BirthMom Buds Retreat is quickly coming up! It will be Friday, May 1, 2015 - Sunday, May 3-2015 in Charlotte, North Carolina. Additional details and more information for the 2015 BMB Retreat are now can be viewed here. 

We're also currently accepting sponsors as well as donations of items for door prizes and goodie bags. If you are interested in contributing, please email BMB.

You can also make donations via our Go Fund Me page here. 

Save the Date - BMB Retreat 2015

Mark your calendars!

Also, we're looking for members to serve on various retreat planning committees.  If interested, please email us! 

2014 BMB Retreat Recap by Leah O. and Amanda A.

It is hard to believe that BirthMom Buds has been hosting retreats for 10 whole years now!  I, for one, am very grateful for the presence this group of women have had in my years as a birthmom, thanks to the founders Coley and Leilani. The theme for this year’s retreat was a celebration and it truly was a celebration during the retreat.  We celebrated our founder's friendship that lead to so many other friendships forming and, of course, the love we have for our children that bonds us as birthmothers.  

The retreat itself started on Friday, but there were a bunch of us who arrived through out the day on Thursday to meet and greet each other and get acquainted with Charlotte before the activities started happening.  The weather upon arriving was gorgeous, perfect for our get together. Thursday is always pretty low key, so upon the suggestion of Melanie, we decided to have dinner at a lovely restaurant called Dish.  The food was amazing, and the setting was very homey.  Perfect!  Afterwards, most of us capped off the night with a trip to the Melting Pot for some chocolatey goodness!

 

Friday morning was pretty relaxed as well.  Since our festivities didn't kick off till later in the day, a few of us went to get manicures or pedicures, while others opted to get massages.  We all pretty much did our own thing in little groups until the Pajama Party Mxer. The food, which was delicious, was provided by The Hilton where we were all dressed up in our pajamas for the pajama party.  We had a selection of meatballs, egg rolls, cheeses, fruits and more.  Delicious!  When we were done eating, we were pleasantly surprised by an adorable dance intro by Lani and Coley (mimicking how Ellen dances into each show) followed by an even cuter Hashtag skit Jimmy Fallon style!  (This is the year of the hashtag after all!)

After the skit we played really fun, quirky games.  My favorite was How to Spell Your Name...With Your Butt.  It was hilarious and really fun for those of us, like myself, who have absolutely no dance skills.  We also checked to see what we all had in our purses, and played a fun game seeing what we could remember about another person when we were back to back.  We also had some yummy cupcakes once again provided by Gigi's.  Yum!

After that, we all got changed and did different things for the night.  I, personally, went swimming with a few friends and then we finished the night getting some munchies at Buffalo Wild Wings.  

Saturday we had an early start on the busiest day of the retreat.  Walking into the room, I saw that it was decorated with fun hot pink, orange, and yellow party decorations for the occasion.  As usual, the handmade center pieces and fun touches didn't go unnoticed! Throughout the day we enjoyed hearing the fun facts on Coley and Lani's friendship, how BirthMom Buds and the retreats came to be, how their logo was designed, and the Bible verse that lead their vision: Ecclesiastes 4:0-10.  

After our early morning welcome, we split into our always awesome breakout sessions. I (Leah) lead one on Coping with Grief and Anxiety, while Amanda A. lead a session downstairs about How to Cope with an Adoption that Suddenly Changes.  During the second session, Amy S. lead a group Navigating Relationships as a Birthmom while Terri G. spoke about Boundaries as a Birthmom.  

Then it was my personal favorite time of the day: craft time!  This year we made birthday date books using a page for each month to remember special birthdays.  Each month was already printed with lines on photo paper and hooked together with a ring; our challenge was to decorate the plain cardboard front and backs!  For some, decorating came easily and for others it was a challenge indeed, but they all turned out beautiful and will be useful.

Our lunch was a delicious meal of grilled chicken, steamed vegetables, pasta salad, garden salad, fresh potato chips, and sandwiches. The cake provided by Desserts byDebolt was phenomenal.  I had the carrot cake and it was the best I have ever had!  After stuffing our bellies and mingling with our new and old friends, we headed outside for the annual balloon release. We each had written a note to our child, or for whomever we felt the need to send a message up into the sky for, and tied our pieces of paper to the string. After a prayer lead by Lani, we released them to go wherever they go.  It is always a touching moment for many ladies attending!

Once back inside it was time to settle in as we were surprised with guest speaker Patti Hawn (Goldie Hawn's sister!), who is a birthmom who placed back in the 1950's when it was a very closed and hush-hush era for adoption. She spoke of her reunion with her birthson 40 years later and has written a book based on her experiences called, “Good Girls Don't,” of which she read several moving passages from as she told her story.  We then were able to ask questions and get to know her heart more, as well as get signatures and take pictures with her! 

Next, we heard more from Coley and Lani as they spoke of how their friendship began and how it has lead us to today.  The monologue they did of how they first reached out and met over the internet was heart-rending and I know we could all relate to their loneliness that sparked their bond. It was wonderful to hear the behind the scenes of Birthmom Buds and their friendship!  

Following that excitement, we watched the 2014 Slideshow and then had the candlelight ceremony.  As each woman lit the candle of the woman next to them and said a word in honor of their child, it lit the darkness of the room and the darkness within our hearts that many of us face.  Those traditions can be filled with emotional moments, and that certainly was true for me this year. It is so good to know, and see, that we are not alone! 

After a few hours break, whether to nap or have some one-on-one chat time back in the hotel rooms, we had dinner at BlackFinn as we did in 2013. Once again, it was wonderful food and company! 

Each year the group grows in size at the retreats, it is amazing to think of how many lives BirthMom Buds has touched over the last 10 years. I look forward to another 10 plus years of BirthMom Buds Retreats. 

2014 BMB Retreat

We're excited to announce the details for the 10th annual BirthMom Buds 2014 Retreat! (Can you believe we've done 10 of these?!? We can't!) We hope to make this one the biggest and best yet! You can find the invitation and all the details here. 

We're also currently seeking sponsors for the retreat as well as donations of items for the SWAG bags and door prizes. Please email us if you are interested in making a donation or becoming a sponsor! 

Save the Date - 10th Annual Retreat

Sisterhood

One of the crazy things about this common experience is that it binds us together across race, faith, age, hair color, cultural background, education, etc. Birthmothering is a sisterhood of gigantic proportions. Or at least that's what I feel and believe in my heart. So last week, I acted on it.

A gal I met at the BMB Retreat lives near the place my husband and I were planning to visit. He had some meetings to attend and I had some downtime, so I took a risk and asked her out for the day. Kind of like a date. Maybe more like a blind date.

We didn't get lots of time to visit at the Retreat, so I wasn't even sure she would agree, but she did with excitement. Since we were to be in a bustling city, I wasn't nervous about what to do. There was plenty to do while we talked. Or not. I was hoping it wouldn't be awkward, but you just never know.

Anyway, it wasn't awkward at all. Not in the least bit. We talked about anything and everything. We walked around the city and a museum and beautiful gardens. Sometimes we were quiet. Sometimes we talked so much we missed our train stop.

I'm so glad I have birthmother sisters in my life. We have more that binds us together than separates us. Let's remember that in our dealings with each other.

Photo credit

2013 Retreat: A Superheroine's Recap

2013 Retreat Attendees

Well, it's 2013 and another wonderful BirthMom Buds retreat has passed.  This bloggers first actually!  The theme this year: Super Birthmoms Unite!  It was a chilly one this weekend, however full of warmth and love!

The weekend kicked off Friday with lunch and some sightseeing.  I arrived a bit late, but from what I hear there was some awesome exercising going on by some of our ladies.  I'm fairly certain we gave some of the residents of Charlotte some smiles and good laughs.  Then we all sat down and had a wonderful lunch, getting to know one another.  We then split up for awhile, some of us shopping, some of us sightseeing and getting to know Charlotte!

Friday night was the Super Hero mixer, which was a lot of fun!  Sandwiches provided for us for dinner by Jimmy Johns of Charlotte, which were pretty delicious!  We also had some yummy cupcakes provided by Gigi's Cupcakes. After dinner and desert, we launched into some icebreakers to get to know one another, which were fun.  I personally liked the forced choice game, in which we were asked questions and had to go to a side of the room (one for agree, one disagree, indifferent in the middle) where we really learned a lot about personal choice, and how everyone's view is different but we can all coexist with those beliefs.  We dressed up in our Superhero gear for this, and afterwards a few of us went to Buffalo Wild Wings (some of us still IN our gear) which was a blast!

Tablescape

On Saturday, we started our day off with another icebreaker, which was a sunshine picture where each person at our table wrote a positive affirmation about us.  Very sweet!  Then we headed into the breakout sessions.  We have two time slots and offer two different sessions during each time slot and attendees choose which sessions they’d like to attend. This year’s breakout sessions were:  There's a Hero in All of Us with Leilani W., Letting Go of a Broken Adoption with Melanie M, Tools for Grief with Britney P, and How to Share Your Story with Others with Michelle T.

Balloon Release

Next came Craft Time with Coley, where we made little picture/note holders, which were adorable!  Afterwards, as any Super Hero knows, we needed to refuel.  So we had a delicious gyro meal complete with an amazing cake fit for Super Moms made by the Charlotte Cake Man. And then we had the balloon release, in which we wrote notes or wishes to our children, or whomever and released them on balloons.  Very touching!


After we ate, it was time for the speakers.  First up was Dr. Carmen Teague, an adoptive mother.  Next came adoptee Annie Lewis, and last but certainly not least, birthmom, author, and fellow BMB blogger Terri Gake.  I personally thought Terri's story was amazing.  Can that woman be more inspirational and sweet?  

Candlelight Ceremony

Lastly, we had our slideshow

followed by our candlelight ceremony.  As each woman lit the candle next to her, we each said something for our children, or for each other.  I don't think there was a dry eye in the room.  Our love for our children, and each other, was very evident.

Saturday night we went to a wonderful restaurant in Charlotte called BlackFinn.  We sat back, ate, and talked the night away!  It was a lot of fun!

I had to leave early on Sunday, but the women who didn't all had breakfast together before saying see you next year!  And this blogger WILL be seeing them next year!

Looking forward to 2014!

The Retreat

I posted this on my own blog yesterday, but Coley asked me to share it here as well, so if you follow my blog, I apologize for the repeat!

Nearly two weekends ago, I had the opportunity to spend some time in Charlotte, NC, at the BirthMom Buds retreat. This is an annual event, and in my opinion, well worth any suffering endured to get there. If you're a birth mom reading this, I would strongly encourage you to make every effort to go next year! The retreat will be held the weekend before Mother's Day weekend, and I believe the general location, Charlotte, will be the same.

Before I have only vague recollections of the weekend's festivities, I wanted to give a short recap for those who might be interested in reading about what went on. Every year, our fearless leaders (Coley Strickland and Leilani Wood) pick a theme for the retreat. Last year was Fiesta! and the year before was Breakfast at Tiffany's. I haven't gone to any more retreats than that as I didn't attend my first one until my daughter was over a year old. But BirthMom Buds has been hosting retreats every year for nearly as long as they've been in existence! BirthMom Buds was created in 2002, and this coming year will be the 10-year anniversary for the retreats.

This year's exciting theme was superheroes. I have to say of the retreats that I've attended, this was my favorite theme. The slogan was "Super Birthmoms Unite!" Perhaps this year's theme appealed to my longing of the fun dress-up days of childhood more than the other themes have. Whatever the reason, it was a fabulous execution of the theme.

The "main event" was Saturday and Friday night was the mixer. My favorite part of Friday night was the ability that I had to dress up in costume. The idea for the mixer was that people should come dressed up as their favorite superhero, but I made up my own. I was "Scarlet Shimmer Girl", sort of a take-off of Glitter Girl, who was supposed to attend the retreat but had a last minute conflict. Glitter Girl was definitely missed and will be expected to attend next year's 10-year anniversary bash, as are the rest of you that may have attended retreats in past years.

Scarlet Shimmer Girl!

As an aside, there are many birth moms, me being one of them, that dislike being called heroes for the choice we made for our children. However, Lani, in one of the breakout sessions on Saturday, made a great point that I'd like to reiterate now. She said that people who choose to be policemen, firemen, and the like are often called heroes. She doesn't mean to say that they're not doing a wonderful and amazingly admirable thing. But they're also just doing their job when they put their own lives on the line to rescue us when we have need. I've often seen firemen or policemen being interviewed after a rescue and I can't remember any one of them saying much other than the fact that they were just doing their jobs. I know that when I say I don't like being called a hero that I want to take the focus off of me and the choice I made. I usually respond with a comment that I was just doing what I felt was best for my daughter as her parent and that many parents make choices every day that may hurt them but they feel it's best for their children. Of course usually the people calling birth moms heroes are people who view the recipients of our heroism as not our children, but our child's parents. However I suppose when viewed through the eyes of the definition of hero as it applies to our "everyday heroes" (policemen and firemen), being called a "hero" isn't quite so bad.

After a quick grab of breakfast foods in the hotel on Saturday morning, the main event got underway. The morning was spent in various breakout sessions. Melanie Mosberg led a session on letting go of a broken adoption and Lani led one on finding hero qualities in ourselves and others around us. We had a short break and then there were more breakout sessions to attend. Britney Parcher led a session on tools for dealing with our grief, and Michelle Thorne, author of her own published story on becoming a birth mother, led a session on each of us telling our own stories. I attended Michelle's session and Lani's session. I think that of the two I was able to attend, Michelle's session was inspiring because at least a couple of the people that attended are now being more vocal about being birth mothers and their own stories. Michelle and I both pointed out during the session that there is a lot of shame surrounding birth mothers and the decision to relinquish a child, both societal and self-imposed. Owning one's own story has the amazing ability to release some of the self-imposed and societal shame attached to being a birth mother. Though I did not start my own blog to accomplish that, it has had exactly that effect. I personally enjoyed Lani's session as well because it really helped me focus on the good in people in my own life, and the qualities that I want to emulate.

After lunch, the balloon release, and the taking of group pictures, we had the chance to hear a few speakers: Annie Lewis, an adoptee, Dr. Carmen Teague, an adoptive mom, and Terri Gake, a birth mom, published author and blogger for the BirthMom Buds blog. Though I enjoyed every speaker, and in fact hearing Dr. Teague talk about the moment her son was relinquished to her brought tears to my eyes, I got the most out of listening to Annie. I do plan to interview her on my blog, so stay tuned for that. Due to the fact that my daughter is an adoptee, I crave knowledge about the experiences and feelings she may have so that I can give her parents tools to deal with any issues that may arise. It is my fervent hope that she never has any issues directly related to being an adoptee. But if she does, then it is my job to understand those issues so that Nick and I, along with her parents, can help her process them.

Once the speakers finished, we segued right into the slideshow and then a candle lighting ceremony. For me as well as many other birth moms in attendance, these are the most emotional parts of the day. During the candle lighting ceremony, we start with one lit candle in a darkened room. Then the first person lights a candle and says a few words about their child and passes the light along to the next person who does the same thing. By the time everyone around the room has a lit candle, the room has gone from dark to nearly light. I like the significance of that, because although we light the candles for the children we relinquished, the fact that we light our own candles off the candle of another passes along a shared love and a shared support of one another. We as birth moms all deal with pain and loss due to our decision, no matter the shape of our relationship (or not) with those children. Acknowledging the pain of one another and sharing it helps lighten our own loads much as the room gets lighter as we pass the candle flame. The candle lighting ceremony officially ended the retreat though we had the opportunity to have dinner together that night and breakfast in the hotel the following morning to say our goodbyes.

It was an exhausting weekend, both physically and emotionally. But I wouldn't dare miss it. The love and support, and the renewing of lifetime friendships formed through our shared pains and joys as birth moms make this yearly tradition one I know I will continue as long as I am able.

Wholeness or Holeness?

Ok, maybe "holeness" is not really a word, but ever since writing last week's post, I've been bothered by something that came out. Writing for me is oftentimes stream of consciousness and I will write something on the page before I put it together in my head. I'm weird like that.

Anyway, I made the comment that meeting some of you at the BMB Retreat healed me in ways I didn't know I needed. And that continues to bug me; that I  didn't know I still needed healing. Thought I was good - not perfect - but good. I've spent lots of years in counseling, writing, speaking, sharing, trying to work it all out. I can see now that I'm not done.

Maybe I'll never be done.

But back to the point of the post. What heals you? What makes you whole? A lot for me has been rooting my faith deeply in the God of the Bible. I have found that having my own children to parent fills me and heals me. And sharing with other women parts of my journey. And meeting other women like me.

My sister came for a visit this week. She knows me like she knows herself. Although we talk frequently, this was the first time I'd seen her since the BMB Retreat. After a few hours together, she looked at me and said, "Something's different about you. I can't put my finger on it, but you're off."

Maybe so. Somehow I feel more like myself than I ever have before. So tell me, what heals you? What makes you whole?

Photo credit

The Only

Hello girls! I could not wait to post this week. I'm still flying high from the weekend retreat, from traveling and from meeting so many of you. If you did not make it this year, consider putting it on your calendar for next year. You won't be disappointed.

Not really sure what my topic is today but I'm feeling the need to recap some of the weekend. I'm a slow processer, so I'm still going through conversations in my head and discovering more connections among us.

When I got back and friends started asking me how the weekend was, I found it difficult to assign a word to it like "fine" or "great" or even "awesome". Those singular words just didn't do it justice. So here's what I came up with when asked:  It was the first time that I wasn't The Only. I wasn't The Only:

• mommy
• wife
• college graduate
• birthgrandmother
• friend
• sister
• homeschooler
• daughter
• one who was kicked out by her parents
• one whose parents still don't discuss my birthchild 25+ years later
• birthmom

The list goes on. And although we are all so different and our stories are as varied as we are, we have this common bond. This sisterhood. I described it to a couple girls at Sunday breakfast like this: "I feel like I've come to a family reunion of 35 sisters I didn't know I had and now I have lots of catching up to do."

For those of you that were there, thank you for sharing your hearts, your stories and your time.  You amaze me, inspire me, and heal me in ways I didn't know I needed.

For those sisters that weren't there, I hope you know you are truly not alone. It's not just a phrase to make you feel better. It's really true.

Love you Super Girls!

2013 BirthMom Buds Retreat Details

(Click on invitation to make it larger.)

Additional Information

• Hilton Garden Inn and Hampton Inn are adjacent to one another. We will be staying at the Hampton Inn but the BirthMom Buds Mixer and the BirthMom Buds Celebration will be in the Dogwood Room at the Hilton Garden Inn.
• There is no cost to attend the Birthmother’s Day Celebration on Saturday, May 4th. Dinner on Friday night and lunch on Saturday will be provided by BirthMom Buds. Free continental breakfast is provided for hotel guests each morning. You will be responsible for any other expenses including travel, hotel, meals, and activities.
• Hotel rooms are available Thursday, May 2nd, Friday, May 3rd, and Saturday, May 4th at the Hampton Inn at a discounted rate of $109 a night (plus tax). Please call either 1-800-HAMPTON or go to http://www.hamptoncharlotteuptown.com and use group code “BMB.” Rooms must be booked by April 2, 2013 in order to receive the discounted rate. If you are sharing a room with someone, both names must be on the reservation. You must use a debit credit card to book the rooms.
• If you need assistance making travel arrangements please contact our event coordinator, Melanie Mosberg, at melaniemosberg@gmail.com.

You can download a printable version of the invitation here.

We are also seeking sponsors and donations for goodie bags and door prizes. Please email Coley if you'd be interested in helping with this!

2012 Retreat Recap

Random Acts of Kindness

Once again we had a fabulous time at our annual BirthMom Buds retreat. Since the retreat fell on the weekend of Cinco de Mayo this year, the retreat was appropriately fiesta themed.

We started off the weekend with some sightseeing on Friday. While browsing through the streets of uptown Charlotte, North Carolina, we decided to do a “random act of kindness” when we spotted a street vendor selling bouquets of flowers. Lani purchased a bouquet and we split it up amongst the ladies with us. We then randomly gave flowers out to strangers and wished them a good day. This was much more fun than I thought it would be. It was heartwarming to see the smile on the strangers face when they received a flower. I am sure we brightened a few days.

2012 Attendees

We really kicked off the festivities with a pizza party at the hotel Friday evening. This was the first year we had a pizza party and it was a lot of fun! We played several different icebreaker/get to know you type games and “the pig game” seemed to be everyone’s favorite and got the most laughs.

Oh Fiesta! 

On Saturday, we started our day off with another icebreaker and then launched right into our breakout sessions. We have two time slots and offer two different sessions during each time slot and attendees choose which sessions they’d like to attend. This year’s breakout sessions were: Closed Adoption Chit Chat led by Pam B., Identity of a Birthmother led by Melanie M., Managing the Story of Our Adoption for the Children in Our Life led by Lani W., and Healing a Broken Heart; Finding Peace in Tough Circumstances led by Mary C.

Balloon Release

After breakout sessions, we did a simple craft of making post it note stands and then it was time for lunch. In keeping with the fiesta theme, we had a taco/fajita buffet. After lunch, we all went outside and released balloons with our hopes, dreams, and prayers for our birthchildren attached to them. Watching all of the balloons float upward is always beautiful.

Next was our afternoon speakers which were fellow birthmother and author Michelle Thorne, adoptive Mother of 2, Nancy Fisher, and adoptee and Nancy’s son, Justin Fisher. Each of the speakers were engaging and had great things to share. I think Justin’s words were especially powerful as he encouraged each of us to write or continue writing to our birthchildren and explained how important those letters are to him.

Candlelight Ceremony

Lastly, we closed with a candlelight ceremony which is always so meaningful as we go around the room lighting our candles off one anothers and sharing prayers, thoughts, or wishes for our children.

Saturday night, we went to dinner and then dancing at an 80’s club. Some of our ladies dressed the part and looked like they stepped right out of 1988. Saturday night was a lot of fun and was a nice change of pace compared to the emotions of earlier that day. Sunday morning we all had breakfast together before parting ways.

My biggest complaint about the weekend was that it went by too fast! I’m already looking forward to next year’s retreat!

Oh Fiesta!

Last weekend I had the privilege of once again attending the BirthMom Buds retreat in Charlotte, NC.  Honestly it’s completely worth the pain and expense of traveling across the United States to be there.  I can’t accurately describe what it means to be in a room full of people who, while they may have different stories, know exactly how you feel because they’ve been or are there too.  It’s like an extended birth mom support group except much better.

We laughed and we cried.  We colored, ate pizza, danced, lit candles, drew pigs, made paper airplanes, and listened to stories both funny and heartwarming.  The fiesta theme and décor were absolutely fabulous.  It was perfect, bright, and colorful to match the whole idea of fiesta.  Michelle Thorne came and spoke, and an adoptive mom and her 18 year old son came and each spoke about their open adoption experiences.  I have to say that was one of my favorite parts of the whole event this year.  Hearing about open adoption from those who have experienced it is always great no matter who is speaking.  But when you hear about what a difference it does indeed make for the adopted child from him or her, it’s that much better.  One of the things the adoptive mom said made an impression.  When asked by a birth mom in reunion about how she’ll feel about her son having kids and those kids calling his birth mom “grandma,” she essentially said that those who have a problem with that need to work on their own self-esteem.  She realizes that her son’s future kids calling another person grandma doesn’t take away her own role or her own importance.  I also enjoyed Michelle’s analogy with the cups.  When Michelle was speaking, she used Styrofoam cups and water to illustrate that the bottom gets cut out of your heart when you relinquish your child.  Coming to terms with your decision and healing from it gives you a “new” heart that you can fill again.  That new heart still holds the old and broken heart.  The broken heart never goes away.  I’m a very visual person and that visual will stay with me and be a reminder to me when the grief pops up.

One of the things that also made an impression on me was the fact that though we all have different experiences it feels so much like an accepting family.  Those experiences and beliefs have shaped our own opinions, but even with differing opinions there wasn’t a single argument.  I think part of the reasoning behind it is that we’ve all experienced judgment for our decision to relinquish, or even more so for the decisions that led to getting pregnant in the first place.  We’re not anxious to judge other people for differing opinions because we’ve all felt the pain of judgment.  I also think we just have a great group.  I have run into birth moms who are extremely judgmental of other birth moms so I don’t necessarily think that assuming a birth mom won’t be judgmental because she’s been judged is always an accurate assumption.

All in all it was a fantastic experience.  I strongly urge those of you who haven’t yet gone to a retreat to make the effort to be there next year.  At this point you have a full year to save for a plane ticket and to plan to be gone for a 3-day weekend.  You won’t regret going!  A special thanks to Coley, Melanie, and Lani for spending hours in preparation for this event.  I know I’m not the only one who appreciates your hard work!

Slideshow Submissions

Each year BirthMom Buds creates a slideshow featuring our members and our members' children. The slideshow debuts at the BirthMom Buds Retreat and then is on the website afterwards. The slideshow is made to a different meaningful song each year, is a touching look at our members and their children, and is always a favorite among many of you. 

We are looking for the following types of photos:

• Pregnancy pics
• Hospital photos
• Photos of you and your birth child if you are in an open adoption
• Photos of your child
• Photos of older birthmothers in reunion
• Photos of birthchildren with their biological siblings
• Photos with birthdads are good too! 
• Triad photos – adoptive parent(s), birth parent(s), and child
• Photos of you with other birthmother friends

Basically, just about any photo will work so send me your favorite photos and I will choose what fits the song and story line. I will use at least one of the photos that every person sends and more as they pertain to my story line. High resolution photos are best.

If you send me your pictures you are giving me permission to use them. It’s your responsibility to OK the use of your child’s pictures from their adoptive parents. 

Please email photos to birthmombuds@gmail.com and put “slideshow pics” in the subject line. Also, please put your name, your child’s name, your child’s age, and adoption type, and any other pertinent information regarding the people or what's going on in the photos you are submitting. 

Check out past slideshows to get a feel for what types of pictures we like to use.

Here are links to the past slideshows if you want to check them out:

• 2006 A Birthmother's Love  
• 2007 A Birthmother's Wish
• 2008 A Birthmother's Hope
• 2009 Never Alone
• 2010 You'll be in My Heart
• 2011A Beautiful Goodbye 

 Deadline for submissions is April 1, 2012. Email photos to birthmombuds@gmail.com.