Building Friendships through Adoption

People who hear about my adoption say, "Wow you are so strong!" The truth is, I was only able to get where I am today with the online and in person community of birthmothers who have supported me from my sons first breath to now.


I found out early on in my pregnancy that there was not many people who could give me advice on what to expect after the adoption because well, they weren't birth moms.  Once I found my therapist, who has been a birthmother for 40 years, I felt so much more at ease knowing what to expect after the adoption, ways to cope, and it just felt amazing to talk to someone who had been there.

Not long after having Noah, I attended the BirthMom Buds retreat as well as in- person support groups at a local adoption agency.  Needless to say, I had met a huge group of strong, intelligent women who I could now talk to about everything I had been holding back from my family.  I love my family and friends but it's hard for anyone to relate to someone who has not been there.  

Having a friend who is a birth mom is unlike any friendship I have had.  When I talk about my son, I don't feel like she is looking at me and pitying me or holding anything back because she doesn't know what to say.  When I talk to my support system of birthmothers, I feel listened to and know that they can relate to my situation.

Having a strong support system to lean on is key after placing! There are so many online support groups and retreats in all different parts of the U.S. for this reason.  

Surround yourself with people who get it!

2016 BMB Retreat Recap

We had an amazing time at the 2016 Birthmom Buds Retreat from April 29th-May 1st in Charlotte, North Carolina.  This year's theme was Sole Sisters: Never Walk the Journey Alone.  Every table decorated at the retreat represented a different kind of shoe.  It was definitely loved by the ladies witha BIG shoe space in their closets!!




We kicked things off with a Mixer on Friday night at the NC Music Factory where we caught up, ate barbecue, and played "Minute to Win it"! All of the ladies were separated into two teams and one at a time, each team had to send one person up to complete against one from the other where they played ridiculous games for 1 minute against each other.  I felt bad for the people in the next room because we were definitely NOT quiet, haha! It was hilarious and a lot of fun!

Saturday morning, we kicked the day off with an activity in which a stack of cards was passed around the room, with each card having a different shoe.  Each lady picked out a shoe that she believed represented her the best.  We all then went around the room and explained why we chose the shoe we did.  Next, we headed out into our breakout session!  This year, Amy Schumaker led a session titled, "Identifying your Support System".  Betty Phillips  taught others some helpful strategies she has used to get through the holidays.  Jennifer Abbe shared how vision boards helped her picture her future and helped others make their own boards to be a reminder of their dreams and goals for the future.  Leah Outten and Amy Schumaker led a discussion with others on adoptions down the road to help navigate topics such as relationship changes and maintaining boundaries.  After breakout sessions, we moved on to craft time where everyone made their own ...yes....shoes!!  Next, we all moved to a yummy italian bar complete with salad, garlic bread, and two different kinds of pastas.

We started the afternoon portion of the day with a balloon release where attendees wrote a prayer, wish, or dream for their child on a slip of paper, tied it to a balloon, prayed, and then released it.  Leilani shared a devotion she wrote describing the different friends in your life and relating them to different types of shoes. Amy Schumaker, fellow birthmom, shared her story. Next, local adoptive mom, Ginny Chole and her daughter, Lindsay Smith (also an adoptive mom) spoke beautifully, sharing their hearts and love for the birth moms of their children.  I can personally say that everyone in that room was touched by their words.

We then watched the 2016 slideshow Coley created and afterward held the candlelight ceremony.  We ended the day, by announcing the 2016 Buddy of the Year.  Congratulations to Leah Outten!

   

That evening, we went to Mellow Mushroom for dinner as a group.  This was a time in which we reflected on the weekend, laughed, and got to know more about each other!  We ended the festivities on Sunday morning with a bittersweet farewell breakfast.

We want to take a moment to thank everyone who played a part in making this year's retreat a success.  Thanks to all the birth moms who attended, the sponsors and contributors who helped pull off this event, and the many people who donated items for our gift bags.  Special thanks to Melanie Mosberg, our event coordinator.

This event would not have been possible without each of you!

Noah's Box

I have a special box for Noah.  This box contains everything I have of him.  In it is the scrapbook I made for him, letters to him from my family, the photo album that made me choose his adoptive parents when I was pregnant, his footprints and hospital band, and letters I have written to him.

Where do I keep this box? 

In my bedroom closet.  Does does that mean I am ashamed of my son and don't want to share his pictures? Not at all!

I love, love, love sharing pictures of him growing up with anyone who asks, he is my pride and joy! 

However, Noah's box has more than that.  It has hospital pictures, letters, things from the hospital...it is a box of painful, beautiful memories that I have to take a deep breath before looking at.  I have to prepare myself before opening his scrapbook, before reading the beautiful letters, and before holding the hospital band he was wearing when I gave him to his parents.

It is a painfully beautiful box of memories.  It symbolizes the beginning of this journey, which has not grown to be much more beautiful than painful.  Is it still painful?  Absolutely, depends on the day.

This is a long road, but with each day that I know my son is being loved by two parents, I feel stronger.  With each photo or visit, I feel happier.

Every time I get to add a new memory with Noah to the box, I feel stronger.

    

The Moment I Knew

Some of you may have read this title and assumed I would be writing about when I found out I was pregnant, but that involves a not so classy CVS bathroom with my best friend that isn't my favorite thing to share, haha!

When did you know that you had met your son/daughter's future parents? I remember it like it was yesterday.

I had looked through a few books of families and honestly, I had a feeling they were the ones before I even met them.  They were a hopeful couple who had struggled with infertility and wanted a baby to complete their family more than anything.  The woman was a a 7th grade special education teacher who coached middle school basketball and the man was a police sergeant.  They lived in Savannah, Georgia, which was about 4 hours from me.

I remember worrying about how I would greet them, do I hug them? Do I shake their hand? This was so small but it was the first impression and I wanted it to be absolutely perfect.  And it was.  I was told beforehand that the lady from the adoptive agency would be prompting us throughout the meeting to keep it going nicely and allowing us to get to know each other.  I do not remember her saying one word throughout the meeting because with my mom, the future adoptive parents, and myself, she couldn't get a word in!! I had a list of questions I came in with and I remember asking them question after question and they said an honest response every time, not trying to give me the perfect answer.  In my eyes, it was the perfect response every time though!

We had so much in common.  

When they left, I remember them giving me their phone numbers, address, and emails.  This is such a rare blessing.  They both gave me long hugs, I think we both knew.  On the way home, I texted them ultrasound pictures of Noah.

 I couldn't wait to see them as a family.

Photo Credit

Getting Through the First Year

My first year after placing Noah was excruciating.  Now he is only 16 months old, but I think the reason why the first year seemed to be so hard is because it is a year of the basic "firsts".  Any time he accomplishes something (ex. walking), I feel proud with a small pain in my heart.  It's just tough not being there to see it,

And if you are going through the first year, know that it WILL get better.  Although at times I felt angry and depressed, I also felt happy at others!  It's a roller coaster, but I have some suggestions of things below that I did during the first year that really helped me.  I hope they help you too!


1. Write to your child. 
I cannot emphasize this enough.  Writing allowed me to fully express my emotion and thoughts without holding back (thinking people were judging me).  I also can show Noah my letters to him when he's older so he knows how much I do think about him.  He will have these letters forever.


2. Make a scrapbook.
One word- therapy.  I had two visits with Noah, but got monthly pictures.  This was life changing because it was like I was actually there.  It was so therapeutic for me to just go through the process of picking up the printed pictures, adding fun captions, and placing them in there.  I was doing something for him, which I don't get to do that often.  I made this book with his footprints, hospital bracelet, our printed entrustment ceremony (the handing off at the hospital), and pictures from the time he was seconds alive on this Earth to his one year birthday.  I can't wait to give this to him.


3. CRY
Sounds weird, but crying was the most freeing feeling for me after Noah's birth.  I was so in shock that when I signed my rights away, I wasn't feeling anything.  It hadn't hit me what I was doing.  I had prepared myself for that moment, but I had no idea what it would feel like to be a mom.  I did not actually cry until 3 weeks after he was born.  There were just so many emotions going at once, so when I was finally able to process my loss- I literally just sat in my car and cried.  I found a safe place to cry because I didn't want my family to hear me.  I love my family to death and I just didn't want to upset them.  I also was able to cry when I wrote letters.  Holding all that grief is exhausting, and when I finally let it out little by little- I felt amazing.


4. Keep busy!
Hang out with your friends, watch dumb YouTube videos when you're sad just to laugh, go on road trip, apply for some of your dream jobs!  Just make sure that when you know you are going to have a tough day, surround yourself with positive people to try to lift you up.


5. Let yourself move forward
You placed your child for important reasons.  Remember why you placed him/her and live your life the best you can.  I know it is very hard to move forward with your life after such a loss, believe me.  I did this by applying for a teaching position.  This was moving forward for me.  Am I moving on from my son? No way! I will always want him in my life.  But I chose to place him to give him the best life, so now I want to have the best life I can too :)

Dear Society

I did not want to place my child.  I did not want to give up my rights to be his mom.  

I had to.  I had to give my baby boy a father.  I had to give him the best life possible because he is an angel.


I am not a high school dropout.  I did not grow up having "daddy issues".  I am not worthless.

I had my Masters Degree in Elementary education when I placed my son.  I grew up with the most amazing dad in the world, which is why I wanted to give my child the same.  I am worthy of love and respect just like everyone else.

I did not place my son and walk away.  I did not make this decision because it was the easy way out.

The easy way out? I see my son, the love of my life, twice a year.  I hold him twice a year.  I kiss him twice a year.  I say "I love you" to him twice a year.  And I am considered one of the lucky ones!


It is an impossible choice. Do I regret it?  Never.


My impossible choice gave him more than I could have ever imagined.

 

Countdown to Seeing Noah

I get to have my third visit with Noah in 11 days!

This visit is going to be different.  My mom is coming and so his Noah's grandma (along with the adoptive mom).  Noah is also going to be walking and speaking actual words.  I just want everything to go perfectly.  I want his grandma to love me.  I don't want to cry when I hear him say "mom" to someone else, even though that IS his mom.   I am excited to see Noah and my mom together, it will be their first time seeing each other since the hospital.

It is scary because I don't know how Noah will react to me.  The last time I saw him was 6 months ago and he was 2 months shy of a year old and didn't cry when I held him or anything.  But now he's WALKING, what?! Crazy how time flies.  I am scared, but also hopeful that my relationship with Noah will grow more, and blessed that his family is driving 4 hours just to see me.

I will never take these visits for granted and although these visits are intimidating, they are also my greatest gift.

My first and second visit with Noah



Lots of Love,

Erin

The Power of a Support System

When I found out I was pregnant, my mom and dad were shocked, angry, and sad.  They could not believe that someone who was raised the way I was could be pregnant without being married.  My parents are liberals, but still traditional in the way that a man and woman shouldn't live together before getting married, let alone get pregnant.

But I was.

I was 6 weeks along when I found out but waited till I was 9 weeks to tell my parents.  I was terrified and disappointed in myself, that I had acted so dumb and not more careful.  I cried and cried when I told them, so did they.  The next day, my mom told me she would support any decision I made, keeping Noah or placing him.  This was everything to me.

Making such a difficult decision and surviving it would have been impossible without having my family's support.  I know there are so many women who place that have to go through this journey alone and it pains me to see what they go through.

I am very blessed, my family eagerly waits for updates like I do, we even share an iCloud album with Noah's adoptive mom so they get them the same time I do.  I think this is going is just going to reaffirm Noah of how much he is loved down the road.  He has so many people who love him.

 

Photo Credit

Gifts

My son was born November 23rd, so my thought a couple weeks after, were "What in the world do I get both him and the most perfect parents that are loving and taking such amazing care of my son?"

No gift could show how grateful I was.

The truth is, I think adoptive parents struggle with this "perfect gift" scenario as well.  I think the "perfect gift" is the gift of having a relationship with them and showing our love for the child we share.  When it comes to material items, I have always gone for the meaningful gifts instead of what the latest popular toy or the "bath and body works" gifts for the adoptive mom.

The first year, I bought Christmas gifts for both Noah and his parents along with birthday gifts for him as well.  I plan on getting his mom flowers or something small to send her when she graduates with her Doctorates degree in Education this summer.  It really is just about showing your love, not how much money you have.

If you cannot afford to buy toys or other items, send a childhood book you had growing up or a card with a meaningful message in it.  Simple and sweet is the way I go about sending gifts. 

In the end, it is all about the love you give!

Photo Credit

So I placed my child...now what do I do?

After having Noah, I knew what I had to do.  I had to move forward.  But...what did that mean?  For someone who did not experience what I just did, it would mean getting a job and getting back to "normal".  But how in the world could I just go back to the way I was before?

I decided I would have to create MY new normal.  I grieved. I surrounded myself with people who supported me who did not make me feel bad about placing my child.  I am so thankful that I did not shove my feelings in and instead, experienced them the best I could.  My instincts were honestly to smile and pretend nothing had happened because that was the easiest thing to do.  Now, did I ever do that?  Of course I did.  I sometimes had to depending on where I was.  But 90% of the time I let my emotions take control.  

While going through all of this, I applied for jobs and eventually found my dream job teaching 5th grade.  I love it.  I also get to see Noah every 6 months and get an update with pictures every 1-2 months.  Those updates are what keep me going.  The first year is the hardest and now I take every day as it comes.  

If I could give future birth moms one piece of advice, it would be to cry, cry, and cry some more surrounded by the ones you love. This may sound painful but after you let those tears out, you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and eventually, that weight doesn't feel so heavy anymore.  

Lots of Love,

Erin

My Hospital Experience

Those three days I spent in the hospital after Noah was born via c section were painful and very confusing, especially for someone who was overwhelmed with so much emotion it was hard to feel each one completely.  I was happy, sad, scared, and shocked, but how was I supposed to feel each emotion?  I was in a state of numbness, honestly.

My sweet boy was placed in the NICU because there was a little bit of water in his lungs, he was breathing too fast.  That was so scary, because I was unable to leave my room to see him there since I had just come out of surgery.  I just wanted to spend more time with him, but it was about him, not me.  He needed to be there to get better.

The day after Noah was born, family and friends came to see Noah and fell in love.  He had to have been the most beautiful baby in the hospital (biased, of course).  I had a million pictures of Noah the night he was born but none after.  This is a hard thing to accept and my biggest regret.  I wish I had spent more time with him in the hospital.  It would have been easier if he was born naturally but because I had surgery and he was 3 floors up from me in the special care unit, it took a team of nurses for us to get to each other.

I went up to see him on my 2nd day, because that was the day I was able to leave the surgical floor.  My mom and sister were with me....he looked different.  I have felt this way every time I have seen him since, why can't time stop?  Why can't he stay the way he was when I first laid eyes on him?  I guess that's how life works.  When I saw him, I was so overwhelmed.  How could I love someone so much?  It seemed impossible.   I went to see him again the 3rd day, this time alone.  I knew that this was going to be our last visit alone together for a while.

When I walked over to him lying in his bed, his eyes opened.  I will cherish that moment forever because that was the first time I saw his brown eyes wide open staring at me, it was like he knew me.  He did know me.  I was the mother who carried him for nine months.  He heard me cry.  He heard me laugh.  He heard me tell stories to him.  He knew who I was.



After that visit, the next time I went to the special care unit was to place him in his parents arms in the Entrustment Ceremony we had planned.  We wanted this moment to be special.  A beautiful prayer and poem were said by a counselor we had known.  I only remember how beautiful it was because I had looked over it before it was said.  While this woman was reading it, my face was against Noah's sobbing.  I knew Noah deserved a family and they were the most amazing people.  I placed him in their arms then actually calmed down.  I talked with the A parents for 20 minutes like we were old friends then left.

I am so glad that I left Noah's room feeling like that instead of crying.  I knew how happy Noah was going to be, and that gave me so much peace.

Lots of Love,

Erin

My Labor Experience

I gave birth to Noah on November 23, 2014 at 11:10 p.m. 

I was 23 so I was not too young, but I hadn't fully accepted the fact that I pregnant.  Although I was 23, I was still sheltered growing up so I never thought something like this would happen to me unless I was ready.  Let me back that up with saying that having Noah is the best thing I have ever done, but I wish I was under different circumstances when I had him.

My mom was in critical condition in the hospital for 2 months while I was pregnant, then was in the hospital for another 2 months learning how to walk again, so my mind was elsewhere and I didn't have much time to really soak in the idea that I was going to be having a baby boy in just a couple months.

Because Noah was such a chub, we ended up scheduling for me to be induced at 40 weeks with pitocin.  I asked my dad not to be in the room because I didn't want him to see me in labor.  My dad was so supportive throughout my pregnancy and the decision of adoption, but I knew that I had disappointed him getting pregnant before being married.  I love my dad but I didn't want him to see the vulnerability of me going through the process of pushing my baby out.  Honestly, I even had my mom leave the room when I began having contractions because I just wanted to be alone.  At this point, I wasn't sad, mad, or anything really.  I was numb because I did not take the time to truly bond with my sweet boy while I was pregnant.  I had mapped out a perfect plan previous to him being born so that I would not be on the same floor as him because I knew it would be too difficult.  I went all routes to ensure I would not feel pain (what did I know?).

I spent all day on the 23rd watching Netflix and sneaking in some goldfish.  I couldn't help it! How did they expect a hormonal pregnant woman to not eat for THAT long?! Haha.  Around me being 4 cm dilated, I gave it up and got the epidural.  By the way...best invention ever.  Not long after, they measured me and I was dilated 6 inches.  Things were going well!  Unfortunately, I didn't dilate much after 5 hours so my OBGYN recommended a C section.  While this was all going in, the A parents were on their way in from out of town (going through a tornado on the way...stressful much?).  They actually got into the hospital 10 minutes before I was rolled into the surgery room.  I know they were so scared and nervous!  I had told my mom going in that her job was the photographer and not to worry about me.  I wanted to make sure that the adoptive parents had a ton of photos to look at and felt like they were there.  I would have allowed the A mom into the delivery room if they allowed two, but unfortunately most hospitals only allow one..and I needed my mom.

So I won't give you all the details of the C section besides me having a minor anxiety attack before Noah was born.  I was just so scared and nervous with all these doctors hovering over me and just wanted to make sure Noah was going to be okay.  So at 11:10, Noah was born!! He didn't cry immediately...10 hours later (20 seconds) he finally cried! Sweetest sound I had ever heard.  My mom brought him over but I told her I didn't want to see him yet because I was drifting in and out (I think the sedation had me going in and out of consciousness).  I wanted to remember that precious moment forever.  Five long minutes later, my mom brought him over and we looked at each other for the first time.  He was stretching those lungs but when my mom brought him over and he touched my chest, he stopped crying completely and smiled.  Never have I felt love like that!!  He is and forever will be the light of my life.

Lots of Love,

Erin
   **Next week comes part 2: The Hospital Experience (After Labor)**

Birthfather's Family

When Noah and I first locked eyes
(To this day I have never felt love like that)

I found out a couple months ago that Noah's birthfather was going to have another child with his girlfriend.  My thoughts? Shock, anger, curiosity, and most of all...I feel helpless.  I do not even know if his girlfriend knows about Noah.  Will their child grow up not knowing that she has a half sibling just 1 state away?

These unanswered questions are so tough.  I cope with them by not allowing myself to get to involved mentally.  I did tell the A-parents, only because I wanted Noah to know if he ever asked them.  I still don't know if I should send them a picture when she (its a girl) is born.  The birthfather has no relationship with the A -parents so I feel like my role is the messenger...which is not okay.

Adoption is a complicated, beautiful, sad, joyous thing.  There are two sides.  Each side includes all of these emotions.  I hope Noah grows up and eventually has a relationship with his half siblings (both on mine and the birthfather's side).  I have to accept that I can only do so much, which is a very hard thing to accept because I love my son more than I thought I could love anyone or anything.

Ending with a fun fact...I found out that our sweet baby's fingerprints were created by them tapping (or hitting) our wombs while we were pregnant.  How cool is that?!

Walking on Eggshells

I have a great relationship with Noah's A-mom. However, that doesn't mean I am always comfortable and don't say "what if" every now and then.  Noah is with her, not me.  She has the control.

She is God's gift to both myself and Noah but I re-read texts I send her and spend hours searching for the "perfect Christmas gift/Mothers Day gift" for her.  I have thought about why I do this and I believe it is because sometimes I am looking for confirmation that she does approve of my existence in Noah's life.  Not only that, but I want to have a great, healthy relationship with her.  

                                                                                 

Have you ever felt you had to get confirmation that you ARE good enough?  I think it's so important for us all to remember that we are.  We did what we thought was best for our babies at that time, and that decision gained me not only a son, but a second family.

I wrote two letters when Noah was born, one to him and one to myself.  I knew I was going to be struggling and wanted to have a letter to read to reaffirm why I made the decision I did. Lets face it, hormones after birth...yeah.  This letter contained every reason I made the decision I did and it was one of the best decisions I have made.  However, this "walking on eggshells" habit is something I need to break.  I AM GOOD ENOUGH.  I did not make the decision to place him because I didn't think I would be a good mom, I made it because he wouldn't have an active father.  These little things are worth remembering.

Lots of Love,

Erin

Therapy and Acceptance

I just wanted to take a minute and reflect on this year.  I am sure you have heard of the milestones or goals that your loved ones have reached.  But what about the milestones YOU reached?



I remember when I first found out I was pregnant, it was in a CVS bathroom with my best friend.  Classy, I know!  I was in serious denial for a long time.  So much so that I literally forgot I was pregnant for two months (even though I was taking prenatal vitamins).  I just never thought about it. When I finally started showing and feeling the precious kicks and turns, I realized that I was going to be placing this baby for adoption soon.  The adoption agency I went to recommended a therapist for me to see who was also a birth mom.  I thought, "why not?"  I had never been to therapy before and went in not expecting to get much out of it.

                                                     

Little did I know, this woman was about to change my life.  In my first session with her, she mostly listened.  I told her I wasn't going to see or hold my baby once he/she was born, I wasn't looking at ultrasounds, and I was going to have a closed adoption.  Basically, I had not accepted this baby's existence at all yet and never wanted to.  She was very gentle in asking my reasons and quickly identified that I needed some perspective on what was to come in my future if these were the decisions I stuck with.  After opening my heart and mind to what she had to say (and after 6 sessions with her), I ended up asking for a legalized open adoption, seeing my baby boy when he was born and doing skin to skin, and still sticking with not looking at the ultrasounds.

It is hard to open yourself up to a stranger in therapy.  However, I would recommend it to anyone going through this process, and also to someone who has placed their child already.  It doesn't even have to be therapy! It can be a best friend or a sibling.  It is very important to have a support system that you can vent to.  I can only speak on my behalf, but I know talking to someone who could relate to my situation helped tremendously.  Going to therapy helped improve my postpartum depression and continued my grieving process.  I was very worried I was going to be in a state of shock for a long time but talking to someone allows me to identify the emotions I am feeling and get those out instead of not feeling at all.

There are many birthmother support groups/sites (such as this one) as well as retreats and in person support groups that are fantastic in the grieving process.  I know that this is a roller coaster but we are in this together.  You are not alone!

Lots of Love,

Erin

Erin's Story

I'm Erin and I'm excited to be one of the new bloggers here at BirthMom Buds!

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be a birthmother.  I saw women placing their child on television and never once took the perspective of the woman who carried their chid for nine months then placed their baby girl/boy into the hands of a hopeful couple.  I like to think I am great at placing myself in other's shoes and taking perspective on situations, but I think the media had shaped me to think more about the adoptee and adoptive parents because no one really talks about birthmothers.

I became a birthmother on November 23, 2015 in Atlanta, Georgia and this past year has been the most beautiful, painful year of my life.  My son is my greatest accomplishment and I am so proud to be a part of his life. After graduating with my Master's Degree in Elementary Education, I placed my son for adoption. This year I not only gained a son but also his parents who I consider family.  You may ask, "Why would you place after graduating with a degree?" Well, I wanted him to grow up with an active father.  I did not want to take his innocence by having him see a stressed out single mother trying to make ends meet or a horrible custody battle between two people who live in different states.  He now has a mom and a dad in the same house who he can run to in the middle of the night if he has a bad dream, he has a dad who will coach him in all the sports he will play, and he is able to grow up knowing what true love looks like.


I do have days where I question my decision, but I think that is normal in this case.  I love Noah (my son) more than anything and that will never change.  I have a healthy open adoption in which I get an update each month and two visits a year.  When I was pregnant, I made sure to build a strong relationship with his adoptive mom, which was easy because we would literally be best friends if we were the same age haha! She is God's gift to both Noah and me and I am so happy I chose her to be Noah's mama.


As of today, I am a 5th grade ELA teacher in Georgia and love what I do.  I have good days and bad days.  I am lucky because I know where my son is and how he is doing.  I am thankful every day for this gift and I look forward to sharing the up's and down's of this crazy roller coaster with you from here on out.

Lots of Love,

Erin