So I placed my child...now what do I do?

After having Noah, I knew what I had to do.  I had to move forward.  But...what did that mean?  For someone who did not experience what I just did, it would mean getting a job and getting back to "normal".  But how in the world could I just go back to the way I was before?

I decided I would have to create MY new normal.  I grieved. I surrounded myself with people who supported me who did not make me feel bad about placing my child.  I am so thankful that I did not shove my feelings in and instead, experienced them the best I could.  My instincts were honestly to smile and pretend nothing had happened because that was the easiest thing to do.  Now, did I ever do that?  Of course I did.  I sometimes had to depending on where I was.  But 90% of the time I let my emotions take control.  

While going through all of this, I applied for jobs and eventually found my dream job teaching 5th grade.  I love it.  I also get to see Noah every 6 months and get an update with pictures every 1-2 months.  Those updates are what keep me going.  The first year is the hardest and now I take every day as it comes.  

If I could give future birth moms one piece of advice, it would be to cry, cry, and cry some more surrounded by the ones you love. This may sound painful but after you let those tears out, you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and eventually, that weight doesn't feel so heavy anymore.  

Lots of Love,

Erin