Frantic Mistake

Ann* was frantic. I could hardly understand her. "I've made a horrible mistake," she said as I pressed the phone closer to my ear.

"I'm selfish and I shouldn't have done it. But I did. And now I can't take it back."

Calmly I told her to take a breath and then tell me the whole story. She said she had been curious about her daughter's birth mother. She said she had finally located her. Then late one night when she was on the computer, she sent her a note. What happened next, I'm not really sure. But to Ann it was awful.

"She says I took her child away from her and now she wants her back. What do I do?"

Since the adoption happened at birth and the daughter is now in her teens, I could tell that the birth mother was perhaps not in touch with all that is reality. However, she apparently was still deeply troubled by the experience.

"Did you tell your husband?" was the only rational thought that came to my mind.

"No. He'll be so mad at me. And he should be! I'm such a fool. This never should have happened."

"You can't take it back now," I started gently. "What needs to happen is that we need to hang up and you have to tell your husband immediately. I'll keep my phone close if you need to talk afterwards." 

As I prayed for my friend throughout that day, I wondered what was going through the birth mother's mind. What had this contact done to her? for her? Where was she emotionally? spiritually? And did she have any support?

I hope she has all of those things. I hope she has a support system like we do here. All I can do is pray and hope that she finds something to help her through.

* not her real name

Photo Credit

Tips for Searching

This week's post is written by guest blogger, Jill.......

I’m going to suggest you register with as many on-line search registries as you can possibly join. Give as much information as you have. 

1) Keep good records. Write down every site you’ve joined along with user name and password.
2) Keep your e-mail address current. 
3) If you have a name look at social networking sites such as Facebook, My Space, Twitter and so on.
4) If you’ve used an agency ask them to add your contact information to your file.
5) If you have a name, try looking up the name on the internet by doing a Google search. Also, check out sites like www.anywho.com - will give you an address and phone number if listed. Good if the parents have moved out of state. There are other phone number look ups available. Don’t just try one – try as many as you can. You never know!
6) Public Records – If you know the name and city you can check out public records such as voter’s registration, tax records, etc. Check both county and city records. 
7.) Contact the county adoption clerk in the city your adoption would have been filed at. They may not be able to help you but they might give you some tips for your particular city/state.
8.) Also if you have a name, checkout www.classmates.com 
9.) Register with any on line search registries you can. Some that I’ve looked at are:
www.ISRR.net - International soundex reunion registry
www.genesearch.com - Adoption Search Registries and Reunion Resources listed by state.
www.abcadoptions.com - Adoption records by state. Helps you by giving your state laws.
www.adoption.com - This one is huge, multi links from a variety of names. 
www.abcadoptions.com

There are also paid online search sites such as Omnisearch - I’ve had limited luck with those. I did find some long lost friends though. Good Luck!