One Little Word 2017

For the past 5 years, as the new year approaches, we (Coley and Leilani)  have each chosen a word of the year. The one little word concept is easy in that you just choose a single word or two to focus on throughout the year implementing that word into your life as much as possible for the year. It’s a great alternative to New Year’s Resolutions that are often hard to achieve.

Coley’s Word – I love the one little word concept and start thinking of what my word will be around December. Some years, the word comes easily to me and other years, it takes a lot of thought to finally settle on a word. Last year, my word was gratitude. And that word was so good to me! I implemented that word into my daily life by listing 10 things I was grateful for each week. I focused on the positive in my life and tried to let the negative go. As silly as it sounds, that word and the way I implemented it into my life, helped me become a happier person. So choosing a word this year was difficult because it had big shoes to fill from last year. I wanted to keep focusing on the good things in life and try and get rid of the negative, anxious thoughts in my mind so I ended up choosing the words “Be positive.” I’m implementing this little phrase into my daily life by framing it in my office, printing it out to put in the front of my planner, among other things.

Leilani’s Word - One of my favorite things about a new year is choosing a new word. This year’s word is really two words – one being plan and the other is the best part of planning; to implement what you have planned. I’ve shortened my word to P.I. which obviously stands for plan and execute. Plans only come to fruition with action so this year I will make 2017 successful by planning my family time, time with God, friends, finances, and fun. With all that planning, I will implement those plans by taking actions to complete them. I encourage each of you to come up with a word for the year. It could be something as simple as focus, which was a word I used a previous year. Pause was one of my favorite words of the year because it helped me remember to stop, breathe, and remember who I am and where I’m going when life gets busy.

Do any of you choose a word for the year? If you’ve never heard of this concept until now, it’s not too late to choose a word! If you do choose a word, we’d love to hear what your word is. Drop by our Facebook page and tell us what your word is!

First published in the Founder's Corner section of the 1st quarter 2017 newsletter.

To Judge or Not to Judge?

I have been thinking a lot about judging people these past few days. There has been much in the news lately about crime and trials and it seems that people always have an opinion and make judgment. 


Many times they don’t have a clear stance and seem to waiver this way and that way with no solid foundation for their beliefs and thoughts. So I thought this week we could discuss a few things as to what I've read and my own heart on the matter. 


If I see a rose and I say, “Look a rose.” I am not judging the rose; it IS a rose. If someone points me out in a crowd and says, “Look a birthmom!” I am not offended. I AM a birthmother. However if that person stands back and says I got this title in a negative way as did every other birthmother and then begins to call me names, THAT is judging. 


The Bible has a lot to say on judging. Here are a few of my favorite verses on the subject:  


"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:1-5 ESV


“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37 ESV


"Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. 
For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?" Romans 2:1-3 ESV


“Judge not lest you be judged” means if you can't stand up and let someone judge you to this then don't say it. I am confident other people cannot call me an adulterer and I have the confidence that if I saw someone committing this act, I would stand up to them and point it out and then lovingly show them a way out of that lifestyle. It's standing up for what I believe in and many others may feel differently but that’s ok.  I respect anyone who disagrees with me and I have hope and love that they will come around.

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You Are More

Sometimes when I'm really busy living out life and going through a rough time, it seems as if everything I've ever done wrong is slapping me in the face.  I will often retreat to the car for some me and God time. I'll turn on the radio and then by the grace of God, a song will speak to me as if God has called in a special radio request just for me, his daughter, to hear. I will notice the words and they'll pour through the radio my ears to my heart. 

Sometimes God is the small voice in the background that we easily dismiss with all the background noise in our lives. Tune in and hear his love for you. 

Below is a video and lyrics to a song God recently requested me to hear. I hope it touches you as it did me. 

Be blessed,

LeiLani

  

You are More by Tenth Avenue North


There's a girl in the corner 

With tear stains on her eyes 
From the places she's wandered 
And the shame she can't hide 

She says, "How did I get here? 
I'm not who I once was. 
And I'm crippled by the fear 
That I've fallen too far to love" 

But don't you know who you are, 
What's been done for you? 
Yeah don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

Well she tries to believe it 
That she's been given new life 
But she can't shake the feeling 
That it's not true tonight 

She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines 
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try 

But don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 

You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

'Cause this is not about what you've done, 
But what's been done for you. 
This is not about where you've been, 
But where your brokenness brings you to 

This is not about what you feel, 
But what He felt to forgive you, 
And what He felt to make you loved. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

What is My Worth?

Sometimes we allow our own views and thoughts of ourselves to speak to the heart. The worst part of that is that those bad memories of past mistakes, hurts, and mean words we've heard penetrate deeply into our souls.

Do you ever find yourself sitting around and thinking about past failures, things you wish you would have done or done differently or maybe even those people that you view as better then you?  I know I sure have! I remember drowning in my own thought pool. Then someone saved me from my own views of myself and told me, just as I will you. 

Stop for a moment and try to see yourself and your worth through God's eyes.

Here are a few words from God's love letter to you.

• "For we/you are God’s masterpieces. He has created us/you anew in Christ Jesus, so we/you can do the good things he planned for us/ you long ago." ~ Ephesians 2:10
• "For I know the plan I have for you to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11
• "You are not your own; you were bought at a price." ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
• "Your worth is far above Rubies." ~ Proverbs 31:10           

Be Blessed,

LeiLani

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Something Within You

Beautiful women, pause for a moment and think: Is there some area you have potential in you, that is just waiting to be remembered and or developed? I know there is. 


The definition of Nurture:
1. To feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.
2. To support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
3. To bring up; train; educate.
4. Rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.
5. Development: the nurture of young artists.
6. Something that nourishes; nourishment; food.


Nurture has the power to enlarge or awaken areas of your life that will make significant contributions to the world and those in it.


Any gift, ability, talent, or even pain we have is given to us to improve and enhance the lives of others.


There is something within you that this world desperately needs.

Beautiful single woman yes that is you, this is a season of waiting: this is your season of discovering who you truly are.


Beautiful married women this is a time to learn to love even when we may not want to, a time to never grow weary of doing right,  a time we learn to lead with out words but actions.


Beautiful grandmothers this is a season of perspective and recovery. Everything you would have done differently in raising your own children or in friendships begin to put into practice with those beautiful grandchildren and younger woman around you.


Beautiful mothers this is a season to see the small miracles of the world again, to learn to play, and slow down.  You will see that time is so precious.
 
Beautiful birthmothers, there is something waiting for you in this season. This is not a season of loss; it is a season of transition, release, and expansion. A season to grow in strength and peace and to learn the true meaning of the words to feel great loss is to feel great love. 

No matter which category or categories you fit into, there is something within you that this world desperately needs.


Be Blessed,


LeiLani

Read at Birthmother's Day 2011 and
adapted from Lisa Bevere’s book, Nurture

I Can do All Things

If you knew you would not and could not fail, what would you do????  


Really think about this for a minute…… Would you climb a mountain, run a marathon, write a book, or open a business? 


In Philippians 4:13, the Bible says, “I can do all things things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Other references are Job 42:2, John 16:30, and Ephesians 3:20.)


Don't try to use only your own strength next time you want to accomplish something. Remember you can tap into the supernatural strength of a King. 


Be blessed,
LeiLani


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I Feel You Sister

While enjoying what I like to call my quite time (this is the time I leave my desk  and hide in my car for lunch or the few minutes at home when I’ve remembered to lock my bathroom door) I was reading a woman’s devotional book. After reading a verse out of Galatians, I stopped reading and was lost deep in thought soaking in the words on the page and letting them speak to my heart. If you would have tapped on the window of my car or knocked on the bathroom door, I would have hurt myself from jumping so hard.  (Now you can see just how deep in thought I was.) 

Galatians 6:2 reads, “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the laws of Christ.”


I realized how powerful this verse is and how BirthMom Buds tries to encompass the very meaning. What would life be like if we all followed these simple instructions? Too many times we want to get in the pit with someone. This does not always help and you’ll both just end up dirty. 


None of us can take someone else’s pain away or fully understand it. It’s a possession all their own. Sometimes we treat our pain like a security blanket that is all torn and stained, fearing to let it go for a wash and repair when in reality if we let it do, we’ll get it back with a new look and a better use. 


If we help hold others up in their pain we might find that their eyes move off the pain just long enough to see there is someone looking down on them with love who longs to remove the burdens of pain; someone who fully understands letting a child go for the greater good. 


And I realize that not all of us were given a choice in relinquishing our child for adoption. But your forgiving heart can help another birthmom learn the power and freedom of forgiveness. Thus, living out Galatians 6:2 and lifting a burden. 


Be blessed, 


LeiLani


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An Introduction of Sorts

Hey, it's me, Leilani.....I'm Baaack !


For those of you who already know me and those that don't, I'm sorry!  Life kind of got in the way and for a long time I've been the person you only read about on the Founders page of BirthMom Buds, saw pop in from time to time during Monday night chats, possibly met at a Birthmom’s Day event, or heard of by reference as Coley’s BFF.  But I'm excited to announce you'll be hearing more from me every other Sunday on here on the BirthMom Buds blog. I will be sharing some inspiring insight from my faith walk to hopefully inspire you on yours.


My goal is never to offend anyone but realistically when it comes to faith it is very easy to find offense. So I ask you please, if one week you find yourself not feeling overjoyed with my thoughts, just bear with me and see if next week might apply to your life.  


Let me give you a little insight about who I am; I am a Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ. I love the Lord and feel every day that I should live it out in all I do. I believe loving others is the greatest thing you could do for them rather than telling them what to do.  I know what it's like to live a broken life and find myself on my knees in hopes of God still desiring to be a part of my life. I can truly say I'm transformed, a completely NEW creation in Christ, and a much better looking one now at that.    So whether you're a Christian or not my hope is that these blogs may give you a great guideline to just being a happier you.


So enjoy and see you in the weeks to come!


Be Blessed,


LeiLani

My True Valentine

I have been on a few sides of Valentine’s Day; the single woman lonely and feeling unloved, the married woman putting entirely too many unrealistic expectations on my poor unsuspecting husband, the Mommy busy to get all the Valentine’s done and sent to school forgetting entirely about myself getting all wrapped up in the kids  and the birthmom, thinking about and loving my child from a distance as I do every day.

All have had different feelings. As a birthmom you would probably not think this particular holiday affected me much but it does. A since of sadness comes over me. I sit hoping her parents will help her make Valentine’s and hoping she always has the love of a father and mother who on Valentine’s Day shows her, her very own importance and worth in this world. 

Then one day I received the best Valentine Ever and it helped me to put my feelings into a new perspective. Below I'll share with you that Valentine.

Blessings,

Leilani

True Love

  For God so loVed the world,

That he gAve        

his onLy     

begottEn      

 soN  

                      That whosoever

 believeth In him              

     should Not perish,

         but have Everlasting life."

-  John 3:16

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Holiday Traditions

( as shared in the Founder's Corner Section of the December 2008 BirthMom Buds Bulletin)

Traditions are an important part of any holiday but it can be hard as a birthmother because your child will be participating in his/her adoptive family’s traditions and those may not be the same traditions that you have grown a custom to. But you can create some special traditions as a birthmother.
Coley’s Ornament Tradition
One tradition I’ve created for Charlie is to give him a special ornament each year at Christmas. I originally didn't plan on it becoming a tradition but it has turned out that way. 

When searching for something to give Charlie his first Christmas, I came across a really neat Precious Moments Christmas “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament that had a spot to write his name, birth date, weight, and length. I purchased the ornament and thought what a neat keepsake item it would be for him to have one day in the future.

The next Christmas it only seemed natural to give him another ornament, thus it has become a yearly tradition. I plan to continue this ornament tradition for years to come and when he is all grown up and leaves home, he will have years worth of ornaments to put on his own Christmas tree.
Lani’s Verse Tradition
I have always loved family traditions and thought it would be great to still have a part of that in my birth child’s life.  Since the time she was born I started a  neat tradition that I do periodically when I send her gifts. I have a special Bible verse (James 1:17, Every good and perfect gift comes from God.) that is kind of like my thoughts about her.

Over the years I have given her different things that have that special verse on it such as a blanket with the verse embroidered on it, a stuffed bunny with the verse embroidered on it, etc..  One day I hope that she will see the link in all these things and know that time, thought, and love was put into it.  

We both encourage each of you to find some sort of tradition that you can do over the years for your child. Even if you are in a closed adoption you could still do something and just save it for the day when you are reunited.