What Would You Have Asked?

An interesting question was posted in one of the support groups I belong to on Facebook. One of the birthmoms asked a question directed towards birthmoms who placed an interracial child. She was wondering what, if any, questions we asked of the adoptive parents in regards to our child's ethnicity. She also asked what we would say if given the chance, and what any expectant moms who are placing plan to ask the hopeful adoptive parents. The answers ranged from "will you accept a child that belongs to a race other than yours?" to "will you honor our child's heritage/national holidays?".

As you may already know, my daughter is biracial. I never really thought twice about who we were placing her with (when it came to skin color or ethnicity). I just wanted a stable, loving, two-parent home for her. Her birthdad, however, had one request: that she be raised by a mixed race couple. He didn't care if her adoptive mom was Caucasian and her adoptive dad was African-American or the other way around - he just wanted her to have one parent of  "each." He felt this would help her to be able to identify with both sides of who she was, and I agreed (to a point). He also wanted her to look like them, which never really even crossed my mind. It was promised to me from the very beginning that she would always know she was adopted and would always know who we were to her, so her 'blending in' with them was never really an issue for me.

It got me to thinking...I never really asked her adoptive parents about this. They met her birthdad and I before she was born, so they were aware of the fact that she would be a mixed race baby.  I suppose I always assumed, since they were black and white, that had they been able to conceive a biological child, he/she would be as well. So they should have no problem, right?

Looking back, I wish I had asked some questions. At least, I feel as if I should have had questions to ask. I still can't really think of any, though. These days it is just as common to be a mixed-race child as it is to only take claim to one race. It's not like the 'old days,' where you had to choose one and identify with it.
Birthmoms of mixed race children - did you ask any specific questions of your child's adoptive parents, or did you have any criteria you wanted them to meet when it came to honoring your child's race? Adoptive parents, did you have any "preference" when it came to adopting? I know the majority of adoptive parents want a child to love and cherish whether that child is white or purple, but I'm just curious. If so, would you mind sharing the reason? And lastly, to any adoptees who may be reading - if you were adopted by parents of a race different from yours, how did you feel growing up in a culture that may have been different than that of your peers who you shared an ethnicity with? Or was it something you never thought twice about?

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