Every single day I think about my birthson. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of him but there are days that I think of him more than others and therefore miss his presence in my life more at certain times than others. Yes, we are in an open adoption, thus a part of each other’s lives but I do miss his daily presence in my life that would occur if I were parenting him. I doubt I’m alone in this.
Sometimes there are triggers for times that I miss him more such as birthdays and holidays but at other times there isn’t any special date and I just find myself missing him more than usual. Perhaps it is because I see a mother and son out in public that remind me of what could have been or perhaps I see something in the son I am parenting that reminds me of Charlie or perhaps nothing but my heart sets off missing him.
How do you get through this when you find that the feelings of missing your child are more intense than usual?
For me personally, my number one thing to do anytime I am feeling something strongly is to write about it. Sometimes I might do that here or in my personal blog bust mostly I write about him in my personal journal which is private and for my eyes only. There sentence structure, content, and misspellings don’t matter; I just pour my feelings out.
Another thing that I do is talk about my feelings to whomever I choose to that day. Usually I feel most comfortable discussing that either with my husband or a friend who is also a birthmother or both.
Scrapbooking also serves as a healthy way to cope with missing Charlie for me.
None of this takes the place of an actual visit or a phone call, but it does help me cope.
What do you do when you are missing your child?