Thursday, January 6, 2011

Be Faithful

So, I have a huge weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders. I have been battling with so much anger, sadness, and this huge hole in my heart and I have been completely oblivious to the way that I have been towards others and all the stress that I was putting upon myself.

Last week I got into contact with a dear friend of mine who's relationship was very strained and it was causing massive amounts of problems  not only in my personal life but with my relationship with others and my husband. It was affecting my healing process more than I can really explain.

But, because I was divinely directed in a path that was healthy, and more faith based I was able to deal with my personal relationships as well dealing with my heartache, and depression with my adoption choice. I went to church on Sunday and I felt like I was MEANT to be there that God was speaking to me. The reason that I say this is because the pastor spoke from the book of Ezra. That is my birth son's name and I knew that I was meant to be there. It couldn't have been more perfect unless he yelled from the top of his lungs "LISTEN ALICIA". He talked about mourning and how we mourn for loss, mourn about job situations, as well as mourning for the loss of happiness, etc. It really brought me forth in my decision and made me understand that what I did was okay and that the only person that can truly judge me is God himself. Others opinions of myself and my decision truly do not matter because they again, don't get it unless they are in it.

I want to tell everyone that I am in a better place now and I hope to talk about the happiness of adoption and the way that you can feel better about it if you are hurting.

During my search to find God and make him a part of my everyday life as well as my marriage I found my life verse. I want to share my life verse with all of you.

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me, He delivered me from all my fears." -Psalms 34:4


  1. Thank you for sharing this, It was exactly what I needed to read right now.

  2. Thank you for sharing this, Alicia. I'm so glad you're in a better place and look forward to reading all the positive things you have to say about adoption! :-)

  3. You are so right. No one understands but those who have been throught it, and God. Other ppl's judgements upon us is invalid. I mean, I heard some pretty nasty rumors about me from my own extended family after my placement..."how could she do that? she should have just had an abortion..." etc. etc. HOW on EARTH do you justify chosing death for your child over life??? But it matters not. God is the only qualified judge, and I'm sure he sses my pain. Sometimes it is hard to feel those loving arms around you in the midst of the pain, but they are always there...