Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Path of Adoption

I don't know you and you don't know me, but we are one in the same. We gave our hearts away to fill someone else's life with joy and happiness. We gave our children the best life that we thought we could, by allowing ourselves to love our child enough to let them go. We walk along the same road, maybe down different paths but always in the same direction.

When I refer to paths- I mean the option of adoption paths. Some of us chose a closed adoption to make the pain or hurt less, even though it is always there and it will remain a part of us forever. Some of us were forced with closed adoptions because it was the only option at that time. Some of us chose the semi-open adoption path because there was a part of us that still wanted the option of seeing pictures and knowing how our child was. Then there are some of us that chose the open adoption path, like myself, who wanted full access to all of the information, wanted to feel in control, even when most of the time I feel like I'm out of control. And some of us didn't get a choice at all. 

No matter which path we have decided or are deciding to take it is one that we all go into with a heavy heart and did so because we thought it was best for our child. No one said that it would be easy. Many of us will wake up in the morning thinking of whether or not the decision we are making or have made is the right one. 

Some people may tell us that we are selfish because we just want to live our lives without the "burden or responsibility" of a child, or that we are abandoning our children. I want to address those comments. 

Our decision was the hardest one that anyone can ever make, one of the least selfish things anyone can do. How is it selfish to love your child enough to give them to a family that can give them more than you could ever dream of? Give them the option of being anything they want to be? How is it selfish to give people the most blessed gift from God that they literally are so happy that they cut up newspaper and magazines to show that confetti is flying in the air to show a celebration of their happiness? Or being so grateful to you that their cup runneth over with love and joy? It's not...plain and simple. 

If someone ever tells you that you are selfish they haven't walked a mile in your shoes, or carried a child for 9 months knowing all those kicks, heartbeats, ultrasounds, and even your first moments of holding that child would be the only firsts that you'd get to have in person. They will never know the pain, heartache, and happiness that you feel, and I really feel sorry for them. 

As for those that want to make snide jerk comments about you abandoning your child to live your life with no worries, no responsibilities or any other selfish comments they want to make, are obviously too self-absorbed to even care enough about what you are going through to see that you are not selfish and you are NOT abandoning your child. 

Maybe this post was more of a rant-- maybe it will put some people in their place, maybe it will put comfort in some birthmom's hearts and let them realize that they are not alone and what they are doing is just making others wish they had the strength and the selfless heart to go through it all. 

I've just been feeling so down lately because of some of the comments made by others who are bitter, and also been told straight to my face that I am not E's mom because I'm not raising him. I'm so frustrated with the arrogance and ignorance of others to think they even had or have the right to say such things to me. I am E's birthMOM, see MOM. Even if I didn't already have 2 kids before I gave birth to E I would still celebrate Mothers Day and I'd still be proud to call myself a mother because there are plenty of women out there that believe their children are a burden to their independence and that pregnancy is the most horrible thing that they ever had to go through, AND there are even "mothers" out there that leave their children with random people, ship them off every weekend, and even leave them with their parents so that they can have their "alone" time with their significant other, party with friends, or  do drugs. THOSE mothers are the ones that are abandoning their children NOT you. But yet they are still considered "mothers" even after doing all of that. We are giving the gift of life and love to families that can't do it themselves. We make very important decisions for them before they are even born. 

We are moms one and all, you never know the journey of someone's life and path of adoption if you never plan to walk a mile in their shoes, but you are willing to spit on the road that they are traveling. 

"All that still matters is the love and the laughter, after the life we've been through"



  1. No-one knows but you your own journey.

  2. Great post!!!! Thank you for your courage and a good rant sometimes is just what we need. Hope you are well. Hugs!

  3. I am sorry people call you selfish; I think of you as just the opposite. Keep positive, and hold your head up high.

  4. I'm with KT. You're not selfish. That's the most unselfish thing you can do. I'm sure you get the persecution of "giving up" your child (I hate those words) when you have other children. "Why can't you raise this one too?" I can just hear them say (in my head). You have your reasons. You did this because you felt this was the BEST choice for your child. No one should ever try to take that away from you. I support you and your decision fully. Be strong...and know you are loved!! <3


  5. Maybe it's a cliche, but I really do think that choosing to place one's child for adoption is the most selfless action a mother can take. I've never understood people who call birthmoms selfish for placing.

  6. oh this nearly made me cry. someone in my sister's class said adoption is selfish and she told them off (in my defense) i just have to say thank you because i feel empowered.

  7. I agree with everything you said! After I placed my beloved Timothy, I heard nasty comments from distant relatives about how could I do that...they thought it was cruel and heartless, yet they believed fully in abortion...I don't get that! How is choosing LIFE and a good happy life you can't give your child to your child at all heartless or cruel or for God's sake wore than abortion?? So I know where you are coming from. People who don't understand need education, tho most already have their minds made up and cannot be changed. Still, we must do our best to educate such people if and when we can.--Melissa