Reunion

Having a reunion with your birthchild can be a very emotional time. I reunited with my son 2 years ago and I was so afraid that I was going to say or do something to offend him. I got online immediately and started searching for adoption reunion help. I came across a forum for birthmoms and looked into what I should do. The site was very helpful and I followed the advice that I was given on reunions. I did not agree with a lot of the things they suggested I do, but I did it anyways. 

The main thing was not to say anything about what had happened unless the child brings it up.  I don't really agree with that because I think they have a right to know what happened.  I think you have to go with your gut and do what feels right to you.  I didn't start the conversation about what had happened, my birth son did.  I answered him honestly and made sure he knew everything that I could remember.  Being honest is the best thing in this kind of situation.

In my own personal story, I have no memory of anything.  I blocked out everything and to this day still cannot remember.  I have only three memories of what took place and none of which make any sense to me.  My husband and I talk about this stuff and he tried to fill in the blanks for me but it still doesn't help. It is hard when your birth son/daughter is asking you things and you just can't remember what happened.  So I told him the truth, I told him I have no memory of what happened and really couldn't answer the questions he was asking.

My husband did tell him what he knew which was a huge help.  Anything else all of us would do our part to find the answers.  My birth son and I never really connected when we first met, it was very awkward.  He was fine with my husband (his birth dad) but with me, he just had a hard time looking at and talking to me.  I don't think we talked for a long time.  He always looked at me as if he hated me.  I started writing all this down and keeping track of my feelings.  Now looking back at my diary, two years passed and a lot has changed.

Reunions can be a hard time and very emotional for all involved.  You just need to take it slow, be honest, and be patient.  It has been two years now and just in the last month, my birth son and I have started to actually talk to each other.  We actually sit and have a conversation.  It still feels a little weird to me, but I love being able to talk to him.  When he looks at me now, he looks genuinely happy to be around me.  When he hugs me, he really holds on to me like it means something to him.  That is like huge for me.  This year he also called and told me Happy Mothers Day--that was so amazing and of course I cried.  He finally is seeing me as his "real mom".  I just hope one day he can call me "mom" but I am okay with it if he doesn't.

Being patient is my best advice to anyone going into a reunion.  Go online and research on the reunion and prepare yourself for it.  Remember that not only are you as the birth parent going through this, but also the birth child.  He/she will be just a nervous as you are.  Take it slow and be patient with him/her and things will fall into place.

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