Part of me was honestly glad when that first year was over. The adoption agreement with the family was only to receive letters and pictures through her first birthday, and then nothing more. And you know what? That was fine with me.
Fast forward about 16 years. By this time I had college, graduate school and several years of marriage under my belt. I had a home, a career, and life was good. And I began to wonder... Maybe I could have handled letters and pictures. Maybe I could have handled knowing how she was doing. Maybe it would have been easier instead of having all of the questions about her health and wellness.
I had told myself for years that closed adoption was the right answer for me. Of course at that time in that state, it was the only option. But I told myself that the 'end point' is what allowed me to move on with my own life and move past being a new mother. I had this challenged recently by a foster parent telling me, "That might be different if you had met and gotten to know the adoptive parents."
I never thought about it like that. I mean, really. I know you birth moms in open adoptions are probably giggling right now, but I just hadn't. I chose Katie's adoptive parents based on a single type-written sheet that listed their occupations, income, hobbies and physical descriptions. Period. It's a far cry from the slick booklets adoptive parents put together to try and 'sell' themselves to the birthmother now, eh?
What's my point here? It's this: We all have different stories. What unites us is a single act of unselfishness, but that may be the only thing we have in common. And that's ok.
I know you have a lot to say on this subject, so let's hear it!