Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Getting Through the First Year
And if you are going through the first year, know that it WILL get better. Although at times I felt angry and depressed, I also felt happy at others! It's a roller coaster, but I have some suggestions of things below that I did during the first year that really helped me. I hope they help you too!
1. Write to your child.
I cannot emphasize this enough. Writing allowed me to fully express my emotion and thoughts without holding back (thinking people were judging me). I also can show Noah my letters to him when he's older so he knows how much I do think about him. He will have these letters forever.
2. Make a scrapbook.
One word- therapy. I had two visits with Noah, but got monthly pictures. This was life changing because it was like I was actually there. It was so therapeutic for me to just go through the process of picking up the printed pictures, adding fun captions, and placing them in there. I was doing something for him, which I don't get to do that often. I made this book with his footprints, hospital bracelet, our printed entrustment ceremony (the handing off at the hospital), and pictures from the time he was seconds alive on this Earth to his one year birthday. I can't wait to give this to him.
Sounds weird, but crying was the most freeing feeling for me after Noah's birth. I was so in shock that when I signed my rights away, I wasn't feeling anything. It hadn't hit me what I was doing. I had prepared myself for that moment, but I had no idea what it would feel like to be a mom. I did not actually cry until 3 weeks after he was born. There were just so many emotions going at once, so when I was finally able to process my loss- I literally just sat in my car and cried. I found a safe place to cry because I didn't want my family to hear me. I love my family to death and I just didn't want to upset them. I also was able to cry when I wrote letters. Holding all that grief is exhausting, and when I finally let it out little by little- I felt amazing.
4. Keep busy!
Hang out with your friends, watch dumb YouTube videos when you're sad just to laugh, go on road trip, apply for some of your dream jobs! Just make sure that when you know you are going to have a tough day, surround yourself with positive people to try to lift you up.
5. Let yourself move forward
You placed your child for important reasons. Remember why you placed him/her and live your life the best you can. I know it is very hard to move forward with your life after such a loss, believe me. I did this by applying for a teaching position. This was moving forward for me. Am I moving on from my son? No way! I will always want him in my life. But I chose to place him to give him the best life, so now I want to have the best life I can too :)