Thursday, April 25, 2013
Taking a Chance Revisited
Since I left the Taking a Chance post wide open at the end a couple weeks ago, I thought I would follow up and let you know what I decided to do or not do. If you recall, I was thinking about inviting Katie and her son to visit.
One friend encouraged me to do go for it. Maybe she's right.
My husband told me to hold back. Maybe he's right.
So what to do?
Well, whenever a situation like this arises in my birtmother world, I go back to the beginning and review my reasons for choosing adoption in the first place.
My deal with myself on the day of relinquishment was that she was gone to me forever. I decided to never look for her, to never force myself on her, and to never disrupt her life in any way. If she decided to find me and wanted to know me, then so be it. But even then, it would be up to her to do the pursuing and we would move at her pace.
That's exactly what we did during our year of reunion. She drove the bus. She dictated when we talked, when we met, all of it. And she dictated when we stopped doing those things.
I want to know her. And I want to meet her son. But we are not really connecting right now. And I think that inviting her to come would pressure her to do just that. I'm not certain that she would or could say no if I asked. And I don't want that. I want to have a relationship with her because she wants to have a relationship with me. Not because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
I know you all have your opinions. I'm still open to them even though I've made my decision.