Wednesday, April 24, 2013

When Did You Know?

I've heard many different stories about how and when expectant parents chose adoptive couples, and how their experience affected the openness and closeness after the adoption.

I'm conflicted on whether I think there's an "ideal" situation, because what may work for one person may bring more difficulty to someone else. I didn't consider adoption until seven months and we didn't choose a couple until shortly before my delivery. This naturally meant we hadn't developed a relationship with the parents, so our updates following were more formal than those of my friends who described their relationships and contact as very close and open.

However, unlike one would expect, my late change of mind didn't make the decision harder. I was always a tomboy, never a girly-girl. I dreamed of owning and breeding horses, not getting married and having children. I watched cats and dogs for money growing up, instead of babysitting like so many of my peers. I was raised an only child and just never really had experience with children or motherliness. I'd imagine this was a big reason for my detachment during pregnancy. Even with my next pregnancy and this current one, I am just not a rub-the-belly, singing-and-talking-to-baby-in-the-womb kind of momma.

All of that goes out the window when the baby is born, though, don't misunderstand. I cried in the delivery room and spent as much time as possible with R while I had the chance in the hospital.

But thinking about my experience and hearing all of the different stories of other birthmoms, or expectant parents who later change their mind about placing with an adoptive family, always intrigues me.

So, what about you? Did you grow close to the adoptive family throughout your pregnancy? If so, did that make it easier or harder to make your decision? Were you naturally attached to you pregnancy or did you work to stay detached?  Do you wish things had happened differently?

Photo Credit


  1. Its a little different in the country I live in.
    I wasn't shown the files of families wishing to adopt late into the pregnancy and I didn't met them until baby J was 13 days old and they came to stay in the adoption home for three days before taking baby J home.
    I had decided around the 6th month of pregnancy that adoption was the right choice for both baby J and myself

    1. It's always interesting to hear different stories, especially in different countries - which country do you live in?