Peace

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I spent this last weekend at an LDS Family Services-sponsored birthmom retreat.  I regularly attend the support group and have made some great friends.  What an incredible, healing experience!

If you’ve read my post  "Fear of the Unknown," you’d know that I’ve been struggling a lot lately with fear regarding my possible impending move.  I wrote T & C a letter explaining my fears just so they know what I’ve been dealing with lately.  Nick even read it and didn’t have a problem with anything that I stated, so I don’t think it was guilt-ridden or laden with expectations.  I’ve not heard back from them, but that’s not what this post is about.

Last night after roasting hot dogs and then having s’mores, we participated in a hypnosis session.  I’m normally not much for hypnosis.   I personally think it’s kind of silly.  But I decided to use it as sort of a guided meditation session.  Before I went into it, I kept in mind that I wanted to feel some resolution regarding the situation with my daughter and her parents.  When I “went under,” I overwhelmingly felt this peace and warmth surround me, and a Bible verse came to me out of the blue.   “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  (John 14:27, NIV)  Though I’m not religious about my faith, and don’t like to shove it down others’ throats, it just floored me that I had that particular verse come to me when it did.  I got another affirmation of peace about the situation later on that night.  It was absolutely awesome.

So I’m not going to live in fear about what “might” happen anymore.  I’m going to live on and count on the peace I’ve been given in this situation.  I need to trust that the relationship we’ve built will last no matter where Nick and I might live, because we all love “our daughter” and we love each other as family because of it.  Family doesn’t get ripped apart by distance.  Even if your own situation is such that you’ve been cut off from contact by your kids’ parents, you are still family.  Someday, you’ll get that family back.