On this "fan page" there was a comment made that birth mom's "GAVE UP" their children. And that if we were to make "changes" in our everyday lives then we could have raised our children. (I will address this later on in my post). As well as that "when we choose to have sex, we run the risk of getting pregnant then as women we should PARENT our children". There are several statements made on that page that just really got to me. Other birthmothers tried to educate them and they just weren't having it. That's where it becomes ignorance - if you just don't know the language and need to learn it, that's one thing but if you refuse to listen , then it becomes ignorance.
So, to all those that think that we as birth moms GAVE UP I have a little bit of insight for you. I never GAVE UP Easy. I PLACED him and made a CHOICE for him. I MADE A LIFE for Easy that I could not give him myself. The only GIVING I did, was GIVE HIM the most amazing parents in the world, that I know can give him everything that I know in my heart I couldn't due to my other two small children. I placed my child with people that couldn't have children. So, this addresses the point that "we as women know the risks of having sex and getting pregnant", what about those women and men who can't have children due to infertility? They don't get to understand those risks or they do understand those risks and there is nothing they can do about it.
But reading these comments made by people on this site just makes me sick to my stomach. I'm tired of hearing the words "you GAVE UP your child for adoption". It is like hearing nails on a chalk board. And also hearing, from even people that I know in my family, that "you just could have made some changes, do this or do that".
There were NO changes that I could make to my already stretched lifestyle. I already had two small children, I just started going back to school, my now husband and I just got our relationship back on track, and we just moved in to a two bedroom apartment. What were we supposed to do, just make room in our already financially unstable, emotionally stretched, and unstable support system as a family life? There were so many things I know that I look back on and think to myself "well IF only I could have done this or this", but even when I think about that it comes to my realization that even with those changes, or those if's and buts wouldn't have even made a dent in my life to where I could have taken care of him AND my two other children and given all three of them the life they deserved.
Here is my key saying that I remind myself when I come across people like I did on this fan page: They will NEVER get it, unless they are IN IT. Which rings so true, because the stupidity and ignorance of people these days on what adoption is like and what it's meaning truly is gets overshadowed. Adoption is about LOVE, the most pure, and blessed love that there is. A birthmom is a woman that is SELFLESS in her choice to GIVE her child the best life possible, to be able to hand over her child to two people to take care of for the rest of it's life. We never GAVE UP. We were never SELFISH in our decision.
Please understand that you are amazing, beautiful, and SELFLESS. Birthmothers are selfless and the world turns on ignorance. I'm sorry that this was filled with big RANT written all over it but I just had to get my feelings out there.
How do you deal when someone says the words "gave up"?
The ignorant also don't take account of those who became pregnant not through choosing to have sex but by rape or incest.The story is a big one, not simple, adoption never is.Von
ReplyDeleteBesides those that don't choose to have sex and having to endure an adoption process on top of it don't have a simple story. And adoption's are what you make of them, and how you approach and endure the journey.
ReplyDeleteI've learned through many years of dealing with ignorant people that they choose not to understand. The words "gave up" or "gave away" drive me crazy as well! Birth mother's don't do that at all. Like you said we give our children more! xoxo birth mother, adoptive mother, biological mother. Katelyn
ReplyDeleteI hate the words "gave up" as well. I try to educate people when I hear them say it but I also have realized that some people will never understand our choices and that is their loss!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're looking too far into it. Sure, people are uneducated. Are you trying to tell me you understand every little detail about every culture? There comes a point where you just need to stop reading the stuff on facebook that you view as negative and focus on the positive things in your life. When someone says that I gave up my son, I just shrug it off. It's true that I terminated my rights. Does he have more than I could have offered at the time? Sure. That doesn't matter now, and there isn't a point in feeding into their negativity.
ReplyDeleteI decided to avoid getting sucked into the negativity as well. There's no point in trying to educate those who don't understand or are too ignorant for their own good. My birthdaughter will be 9 this month and I've run my fair share of emotions, but I've learned to correct when necessary, but just leave it be, because I KNOW (and that's the only person I needed to convince) that what I did what right for her. No one knows what we go through without going through it themselves, and there are not a lot of us.
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