Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Grief Worse at Night

Have you ever noticed if your grief is worse at night? For me personally, my grief has always seemed to be  worse at night. Night time always seems to be the time that I get upset and have my mini breakdowns. In the beginning, right after I placed my son for adoption they were frequent. Now, the bad nights only come every so often, like if a birthday or a holiday is coming up or just passed.

So, why are nights more difficult at times? I think that during the day it is easier to keep ourselves busy and that often we just get caught up in the everyday busyness of our lives. We have jobs, friends, family, possibly other children, school, etc. to keep us pretty busy and that doesn’t give us a whole lot of time to just sit and think about or deal with our grief.

But at night time when all is quiet and dark, the grief can creep back in, hit us hard, and is unescapable. Late at night, you typically can’t just pick up the phone and call a friend for support like you could during the day. You don’t have the same coping options at night as you during the day so that makes dealing with the grief more difficult.

What you do at night when the grief hits you hard and most of the world is in bed asleep? I have a few coping strategies I've developed over the years.

Sometimes I will just go ahead and cry. Giving in to your emotions is often better than holding them inside. tears are cleansing and sometimes I just feel better after a good cry.

Another coping mechanism for the rough nights is writing. I'll get up and write in my journal or my blog. Writing is another way to release the pent up emotions I may be feeling.

Lastly,  I'll visit our forums. They are open 24/7 so I go in there anytime I feel like it and often feel less alone just reading the words of other birthmothers even if they aren't identical to what I am experiencing at that moment.

What about you - is your grief worse at a certain time of the day? How do you cope?

1 comment:

  1. I agree, nights are the worst. It's the only time the inner voices are louder than the outer voices. For me though, the other hard time is when we sit down for dinner, and there is the one extra chair on the side. Most days it's no big deal, but every now and then the sight of 5 out of 6 chairs filled will set me off. Remind me of what's missing. Weird, huh?