Thursday, September 8, 2011


I have to admit that while birthmothering is part of the fabric of my being, it is not currently something I live with every day. After going through a time of reunion and getting to know one another, my birthdaughter and I are currently not speaking. So this isn't something I think about very much. I admit even writing one blog a week connecting the birthmother part of me to the rest of my life is sometimes a stretch.

For this reason, things sometimes happen and it takes me a while to connect the dots. Like recently, I found myself without my children. My folks had graciously taken them so my husband and I could get away for a few days to reconnect (and sleep!). It was an awesome gesture on their part and much appreciated.

A couple nights in, I had trouble falling asleep. I had done all of my regular nighttime rituals and yet sleep didn't come. I relaxed. I counted sheep. I read. I read some more. Something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Hours went by. Hours. It was grueling. And as the time went on, instead of getting tireder and closer to sleep, I grew more and more... something. I cried. I prayed. I was freaking out, that much was clear. And although I reminded myself how safe and loved and cared for my children were with my folks, nothing helped.

Finally I connected the "being without my children for a few days" part of me to the "being without my firstborn daughter forever" part of me. Holy cow. I mean, I really thought I was headed straight for the psych ward.

That's what I'm talking about. Since my current life is so disconnected from that part of my life, I sometimes miss out on the total picture. Once the bigger picture became clear, I was able to pray more intentionally and find peace and rest.

Is birthmothering where you live all the time? Or is it just one part of your life?


  1. I am too reuniting with my daughter after 32years. It's been a rode of ups and downs but overall good. She jumps in and jumps out. Give her time.
    My husband and I, who are her birth parents also keep prayer as our focus because what is happening is part of God's plan.
    We have 4 children of our own which are her birth siblings. Our oldest daughter at home is getting married tomorrow and Kim has decided to be a part of the celebration. Today, she's in and I'm thankful.
    Terri, I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. Congratulations on the wedding! Is your daughter who is getting married glad her birth sister is joining you? or is she worried it will take away from her big day?