Thursday, September 15, 2011

Memory Lane

Ever notice how looking back can be dangerous? As we remembered 9/11 last weekend, I too found myself remembering those dark days. More than just the events in NYC and other places, though, I found myself caught up in my own life at that time. My father was still alive. My grandmother had just passed away. My husband and I didn't have any children yet.

And I was still years away from meeting my birthdaughter.

In some respects, maybe that was easier. Maybe it was better not knowing and still having hope of a relationship. It was wonderful fantasizing about the relationship we would have one day when she was older and settled and started having her own children.

That's the trouble with Memory Lane. It's not reality. It's just an imaginary world we hold in our head. But the reality is that it wasn't better then. The not knowing was eating at me and in 2001, I was making some pretty bad choices. I kept thinking that I was fine, that I was good and healthy. But my behavior said otherwise.

Now that I'm on this side of it, that's all changed. Even though she's choosing not to have a relationship with me, I know. I have met her and gotten to know her and her parents. That curious part of me has been assuaged, no matter what the future holds.

God reminds me to keep looking forward. No, I will never forget the things that are past. But I can't live there and dwell on those things. Isaiah 43:18-19 says "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! How it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

I have to be careful when walking down Memory Lane. How about you?

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing Terri, That was excellent. Fantasy is not real, The birth mother fantasies as does the adoptee about each other. Some reunions click immediately and never fall apart. Some fall apart quickly some never even happen. It is what it is! That's where I am 11 years in to my reunion. She is compasionate, she is loving. She loves me, yet she lives 1900 miles from me. I am NOT her mother. I am her Lucylu, or Lu. We have had times where we were much closer then times of space and separation. But I am like JESUS I never moved. But I allow her to call the shots because she never had a choice in the whole situation. She is very happy and bonded with the only family she ever knew.

    Sincerely, Lucy Franklin, CPAC