Upcoming Date

Photo credit: http://mabryonline.org

I have a date coming up.  No, it’s not with my boyfriend.  It’s with my daughter.  I go to visit her and her parents on March 7^th.  I’m already nervous.  I’m excited too, but the nervous part of me is winning out over the being excited part.

Again, it’s the worrywart in me.  T and C know that I am, though I’ve never told them that I worry about the visits.  I worry that seeing Mackenzie will cause me to do something or say something that will freak them out.  It would be completely unintentional and pretty much unfounded in anything I truly think or feel.  I’m at peace with my decision.  Though I’ll always struggle with occasional sadness and/or some feelings of regret, I know I made the best decision for myself and more importantly for my little girl.  I know she’s happy.  I know that all her needs and wants are being met, both physically and emotionally.  She’s well adjusted and well loved. 

But that doesn’t help my paranoia.  It happens EVERY time I get ready for a visit.  Each time none of what I fear comes to fruition.  She doesn’t avoid me.  I get grins.  Each time I’m just happy to be around her and see how happy she is.  Of course I leave with post-visit euphoria too.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to the point where I don’t struggle with worry or even nervousness about upcoming visits.  If I’ll ever get to the point where excitement and elation are the only emotions I feel.  I hope so.  Until then, I’ll remind myself of the previous visits and how they’ve gone with the hopes that those thoughts will help dissipate the worry that I feel.

What about all of you?  Do you deal with nervousness or worry too?  What do you do to cope?


~ Monika