|Photo credit: http://mabryonline.org|
I have a date coming up. No, it’s not with my boyfriend. It’s with my daughter. I go to visit her and her parents on March 7th. I’m already nervous. I’m excited too, but the nervous part of me is winning out over the being excited part.
Again, it’s the worrywart in me. T and C know that I am, though I’ve never told them that I worry about the visits. I worry that seeing Mackenzie will cause me to do something or say something that will freak them out. It would be completely unintentional and pretty much unfounded in anything I truly think or feel. I’m at peace with my decision. Though I’ll always struggle with occasional sadness and/or some feelings of regret, I know I made the best decision for myself and more importantly for my little girl. I know she’s happy. I know that all her needs and wants are being met, both physically and emotionally. She’s well adjusted and well loved.
But that doesn’t help my paranoia. It happens EVERY time I get ready for a visit. Each time none of what I fear comes to fruition. She doesn’t avoid me. I get grins. Each time I’m just happy to be around her and see how happy she is. Of course I leave with post-visit euphoria too.
I wonder if I’ll ever get to the point where I don’t struggle with worry or even nervousness about upcoming visits. If I’ll ever get to the point where excitement and elation are the only emotions I feel. I hope so. Until then, I’ll remind myself of the previous visits and how they’ve gone with the hopes that those thoughts will help dissipate the worry that I feel.
What about all of you? Do you deal with nervousness or worry too? What do you do to cope?