I try my very best to make everyday a good day, and most of the time they are. I go to class, I go to work, I hang out with my amazing roommates and have a beer or two. Recently I celebrated my 21st birthday and it was amazing and all I've ever dreamed of since I was 16. I had a rough patch a few months ago, I struggled with my decision for a while. Since then I have been extremely positive most days about everything. I learned in therapy how to love myself. Even still those bad days sneak up on you.
I know that I made the best decision for my daughter at the time of placement. I know that she is where she belongs and I am where I belong but those bad days can question everything you have ever believed in. I know that I am lucky and many of our birth mother sisters are not as lucky to be confident and happy in their adoption. I know that many of us have been lied to and cheated and felt that this was our only option. I know some of us live in regret and struggle with the everyday. The one thing that helps me get through these bad days are remembering that sweet little face. Remembering those little kicks I felt as I lay awake trying to sleep. I cherish every second I had with my daughter, even though it was for a short nine months.
The best piece of advice I have for people on their bad days is to think of their sweet children. Think about how no matter what happened in your circumstances that you did what you could for them at the time. Our children would not want us to suffer and live in distress. I heard a quote the other day from a friend on one of my bad days, "Being angry and bitter is like drinking poison everyday and expecting the other person to be hurt". It really helped me put many things into perspective. Being upset and jealous are natural human emotions and yes as a birth mother you are going to feel these things, but if I let them consume my life I am doing no one any good and only myself harm.
I was trying to find a good picture for this post and so I decided to search the word birth mom and see what came up. I found the picture above and fell in love with it. For those that made the decision to choose adoption, we gave our children all we could do for them at the time, no matter how you feel now just remember that. You gave them more than you thought you could at the time. Love conquers all.