Today I was in class and with the severe amount of rain we have been getting we seem to be going stir crazy, locked in our classroom all day. So, I tried to find things for them to do to keep occupied and one of the activities actually used the rain to our advantage. We made rain Kool-Aid water color. It was so awesome to see their little faces light up each time a rain drop hit the Styrofoam cup and mix together to make a blood red. As we took the paint inside we sat at a prepared table that had blue paper rolled out and taped so that we didn't paint the table. They got paintbrushes and went to town painting. Everyone talking among themselves about what they were creating. However, an objective we haven't quite mastered yet is how to paint. They tend to paint the same spot over and over again, resulting in the paper tearing. So I told them paint a 'big picture', spread it all over and use all the space so that it doesn't tear in that one spot. My choice in words hit me...the big picture. Where was mine?
M told me before I gave birth to Mini M that there was a bigger picture than the moment we stood in. Sure, it hurts now, but years later it will make sense. I created a list that told about my future big picture soon after placement, but I began to forget about it all when things got more challenging. Until now. She's right, there is a big picture. Much like my five year old's, if we paint in the same spot, or continue to live the same moments over and over and not venture out, we will tear and breakdown. So, for the sake of staying together and continuing to be one, I will look at the big picture. I will look at the need in the world and all the good that I can do because of my situation. I will see that Mini M is where she needs to be because she will forever and always have what she deserves and desires. I will look at the relationships formed because of this adoption.
If you are ever in a situation and you know you are about to rip or feel yourself slipping, change spots. Spread that out and make it a bigger picture. You have your entire life not just that second. Use it all.