Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I Wonder What He's Thinking

I always wonder what my birth son is thinking, is he resentful to me for what happened or is he thinking "how could a mom do this"?  I think about this quite often, daily actually.  I look into his eyes and I see question marks.  It has been two years know since our reunion and it just seems that there are still a lot of unanswered questions from myself and from my birth son.  I don't want to burden him with the questions I have or make him feel like I need for him to talk to me about this just so I will feel better.  So I just simply don't ask.

However, today was a good day for me.  I no longer feel that way thanks to his girlfriend.  She brought my grand daughter over to watch while she went to classes and after she came back we had a nice long chat.  So glad that we did, it made me feel so much better about how I have been feeling.  I found out that my birth son wants to ask the questions and know everything he is just to afraid to ask me.  WOW, what a breakthrough!  I will finally be able to talk about stuff with him and not feel like I am intruding in his life.  I mean he has a family and he is happy BUT now I can sit and discuss it with him.

I will see him again Thursday when he comes to pick up the baby after work and we can sit and talk things out.  I really just want to know about his life with his adoptive parents.  I mean things like, what were the holidays like for him and did he get a lot of presents, did he get to go see Santa and the Easter Bunny, and what his life was like.  I know that might sound corny or just weird, but that is what I want to hear.  I want him to tell me all about his life with them.

Just knowing that we are both afraid to ask questions and tell each other stuff is a relief to me.  I just didn't want to give him any reason to look down on me or to feel uneasy or uncomfortable when he is here.  But know I won't feel that way.  He does want to know everything from me (he has already talked to my husband which is his birth dad) but he still wants to talk to me.

I still see things in his eyes, I told his girlfriend that today.  I knew something was going on.  While I just thought he didn't want bothered with any of it and that's why we really don't have a relationship, in reality we are BOTH feeling the same thing.  Yep, today was a good day and I am so thankful I am going to have this opportunity to finally sit and talk with my birth son and let him know just how much I care about him.  I just can't wait until Thursday now.  I wrote in an earlier post that I had an envelope of letters and cards from the past two years and was just afraid to give it to him.  Thought maybe he just wouldn't be interested in it.  Now I can hand them to him and not feel like the outsider.  THANK YOU GOD, I feel like he answered my prayer today.  I think this will be a fresh new start for my birth son and me and will change how we look at each other.

So anyone else feeling like the outsider and had a breakthrough?  Just remember patience is your friend and in time things will come together.


  1. Lisa, I think a lot of us struggle with this, whether we are in reunion like you are or living in an open adoption like I am. I'm glad you're going to get a chance to talk to your son about some of the questions you've both had!

    By the way, you don't need the "birth" qualifier in front of "son." We birth moms don't really need the qualifier either but it sometimes helps when we're talking to people that aren't in adoption to help delineate the roles that we have. I call my daughter, "my daughter" despite the fact that I relinquished. A legal document doesn't change her relationship to me just as it didn't with you and your son. :)

  2. I am also in reunion and really do know how you feel. When my girl and I met it was over time that questions were answered. I learned very early on that it needed to be in her time. It needed to be about when she was ready to hear the facts.

    I still keep in contact with her bio-dad. We talk daily. We have remained friends. When I met her he kept asking me when she wanted to meet him. I always said.. It has to be in her time. Here we are 7 years later and it is finally in her time. They are currently setting it up.

  3. Though you and I are on different levels of the reunion part and you and your birthson seem to see each other quite often, this is TOTALLY relatable for me. I wonder all the time what he's thinking or what he wants to ask me that he may be nervous or scared to ask. I think in time most everything will find it's way to the surface through conversation but it is a weird hesitantcy that lingers as to 'should I ask' or 'am I overstepping my boundaries.' My birthson and I just met at the end of March and I'm still kind of enjoying the unknown and I am excited to learn everything about him, but I do understand wanting to knwo about the little things like past Christmases, Easters, etc. I'm the same way. I swear he and I could sit and talk for hours and I'd still feel like I need to know more! However, like I said, I think in time you'll find your niche in talking to one another and hopefully it's sooner rather than later. :) God Bless!

  4. It's so neat to see your story evolve through your posts.

  5. Lisa Iam sorry about your situaction,I will say I would adopt a child unselfishlly.I would have a open door policy to the birth mother.I believe that is best for the child the more love the better.