However, today was a good day for me. I no longer feel that way thanks to his girlfriend. She brought my grand daughter over to watch while she went to classes and after she came back we had a nice long chat. So glad that we did, it made me feel so much better about how I have been feeling. I found out that my birth son wants to ask the questions and know everything he is just to afraid to ask me. WOW, what a breakthrough! I will finally be able to talk about stuff with him and not feel like I am intruding in his life. I mean he has a family and he is happy BUT now I can sit and discuss it with him.
I will see him again Thursday when he comes to pick up the baby after work and we can sit and talk things out. I really just want to know about his life with his adoptive parents. I mean things like, what were the holidays like for him and did he get a lot of presents, did he get to go see Santa and the Easter Bunny, and what his life was like. I know that might sound corny or just weird, but that is what I want to hear. I want him to tell me all about his life with them.
Just knowing that we are both afraid to ask questions and tell each other stuff is a relief to me. I just didn't want to give him any reason to look down on me or to feel uneasy or uncomfortable when he is here. But know I won't feel that way. He does want to know everything from me (he has already talked to my husband which is his birth dad) but he still wants to talk to me.
I still see things in his eyes, I told his girlfriend that today. I knew something was going on. While I just thought he didn't want bothered with any of it and that's why we really don't have a relationship, in reality we are BOTH feeling the same thing. Yep, today was a good day and I am so thankful I am going to have this opportunity to finally sit and talk with my birth son and let him know just how much I care about him. I just can't wait until Thursday now. I wrote in an earlier post that I had an envelope of letters and cards from the past two years and was just afraid to give it to him. Thought maybe he just wouldn't be interested in it. Now I can hand them to him and not feel like the outsider. THANK YOU GOD, I feel like he answered my prayer today. I think this will be a fresh new start for my birth son and me and will change how we look at each other.