I am so not ready to forgive and let go. Everyday I think of what could of been and how our lives would of been different with our birthson. All I get from the my family members responsible for this is, "you can have a wonderful relationship with him now and be happy". That really just makes me mad when they say that to me. They have no idea what I go through and the worst part, they won't acknowledge it. I need for them to say they are sorry and acknowledge that pain and loss I have endured and still am going through. Tell me "I'm sorry I caused you all this pain".
See I am still the outsider in this situation. I can't just call my birthson and say, "Hey, I miss you and would like to see you and the baby, can you drop by", that will never happen. We tried that many times. But when the adoptive parents call him and say "bring the baby down so I can see her", they drop everything and go there. I know I sound selfish, but that is how I feel. But I love my birth son so much that I accept what it is and try to be understanding so that he doesn't feel he is hurting anyone's feelings.
It is just so hard to see him go to them (adoptive parents) at the drop of a hat while I have to wait a month sometimes longer to see him. It is painful and that is why forgiving and letting go is so hard for me. I get very upset when things like this happen. I immediately start thinking, if my family would not of done this to me, I would not feel this way and my son would be here with us.
Its hard feeling like the outsider, it is always going to be that way I know that. How do I get past something like this? How would you get past something like this? Accepting? forgiving? and how would you do this?