The smallest decisions we made in life can change our future in ways we never would have dreamed.
For instance, my big life-altering decision came when I decided to try out for my high school's jazz choir when I was leaving the 8th grade. I never wanted to try out, but a friend of mine did so I thought, "Why not?" Little did I know that this decision would affect me every day for the rest of my life in both the best and worst ways possible.
Jazz Choir is where I would meet some of the best people I have ever known who, even 10 years later, I am proud to call my friends. It would open up entire new experiences to me such as musicals, different religions, re-visiting my preschool, my former church, and teaching me to help people through music. I loved performing and I loved putting a smile on someone's face. However, it grew hard for my parents to cart me back and forth all the time since we only had 1 working vehicle and my father's working hours. This is why I began staying after school on days that we had concerts, to take the train instead of my parents in giving me rides. This is also how I met the boy who would change my life.
I met R one day after school while waiting for my fall concert to begin. He was going to be in it too. It was my cousin's birthday and he and I had nothing to do for several hours so, naturally, we gravitated together. That was the first time I became REALLY interested in a boy. This would not be the only first that R would give me. He gave me my first cigarette, first date, first boyfriend, first time, first pregnancy scare, first pregnancy, and my first child.
L was born in the fall, right after I had turned 18. She was beautiful and perfect and the best thing I had ever done with my life....but she wasn't mine.
During my pregnancy, I became the victim of something known as coerced adoption. R's mother, B, was a very manipulative individual. She used to tell me that giving L to her was the best thing I could do, that L would grow to hate me if I kept her, that we would be on welfare, and I would never be able to give her a good life. She also convinced me not to tell my parents about the possible adoption because they would be against it and they weren't good for me, how would they be good for the baby? They would abuse her just like they abused me. B was so adamant about this, she would rarely let me out of the house unless it was to go to school or work. She even kept me in the house when I wanted to go see my grandparents because she was afraid I wouldn't come back and would "take the baby away".
So it came to be when I finally turned 18, a mere 2 weeks before my daughter was born, that I had no way of contacting an attorney when she handed me the adoption papers. So, it was, with no knowledge of what it meant or what I was doing, that I signed away my daughter when she was just 2 weeks old.
It took her over 4 years to finalize the adoption, and over that time I had many thoughts of somehow reversing the adoption, but she kept telling me that I was unfit and if I tried to take my daughter away that she would have me seen as an unfit mother, and ensure that I never saw my daughter again.
Nearly a year and a half after that, B passed away. The woman who stole my daughter was not long for this world. She still lives with her adopted father, P, and his new girlfriend. They treat my L wonderfully and I could not have asked for better parents for her. My animosity is still around quite a bit, but it's ebbing away day by day by day. I am lucky, I know, in the aspect that I get to see my daughter grow up every day. I have been blessed with weekly visits, the ability to take her out to dinner or on special outings, and constant picture and video updates on any milestones I'm not there to witness.
L will be 7 this year and she remains to this day the biggest blessing I have ever known. It's hard to believe it all started when I accompanied a friend to Jazz Choir auditions. So, as a new blogger I'll be sharing my thoughts and views in upcoming posts but today I leave you with a question: What decisions and actions led you to place?