Thursday, August 14, 2014
Facing my fear
Hello ladies. This week I'd like to take a break from our talk about boundaries and go a different direction. Something so much easier. Or not.
A recent phone call from a dear friend brought me to my knees again. Her and her boyfriend had had another knock-down-drag-out sort of fight. While he's never been abusive, their relationship has always been super-intense. Know what I mean? Things are either super great or going to hell. It's a total crapshoot.
Anyway, I got a call from her after one such fight and tearfully she said, "It's over I guess," something I have heard more than once. As the details of their latest encounter unfolded, I felt anger and even something that may be construed as rage well up inside of me. I wanted to punch him, honestly. I guess we all have that in our nature when pushed to a certain point.
At the time my girls and I were on a very long walk, which was probably a good place for me to be. They were riding their bikes and when not on the phone with my friend, I was talking, out loud, to God and I guess anyone else who was listening. After a few minutes of fuming about the situation, I realized my problem was not anger. Or even rage. It was fear. I was afraid.
Fear is often at the root of many of our emotions. But usually we don't like to admit it. Instead of saying we are afraid, we say we are 'angry' or 'frustrated' or 'at the end of our rope'. And sometimes we are those things. But sometimes we are just afraid and either don't know it or are afraid (ha!) to admit it because we think it will make us look weak.
So what do we do? As a Christ follower, I know that God knows everything about me. He knows when I'm afraid even when I don't realize it. By telling him the truth I am showing that I trust him and his plan for my life even when I can't see it.
So what does that look like? For me that night, on that walk, it looked like saying out loud that I was afraid and naming my fears. Not simply a blanket, "Lord, I'm afraid," but a specific naming of what I was afraid of.
As I trusted those scary things to God, he brought back my peace. I was once again able to look around and enjoy the beautiful evening, the cool breeze and the view of my children being children. He can do that for you if you will trust him with your fears, too.