This one, though...this one hit me hard. I have known for a long time of Robin's struggle with depression and addiction. Two things that I, too, struggle with. I'm not an addict, but I am the child of addicts and I suffer from PTSD which comes with giant waves of depression. I have dealt with suicidal idealizations for most of my life and it is exhausting. I came close to losing my own battle with this five times in my life. Each time more brutal than the last. I still deal with the self-loathing that comes with those, but I am happy to say that I am miles away from wanting to end my own life anymore.
But, if I'm being honest, Robin Williams death reminded me how easy it is to lose that battle. One setback, one loss can send me spiraling back into the depths of a depression so dark, I feel as if there's no way out and that people would be better off without me. Robin's death hit so hard. I felt as if I lost a mentor, that person who was overcoming his demons. Oh, how he made us all laugh and smile. Sure, he struggled but he worked to overcome that. And then...we lost him. One setback...
I know I'm not alone in this. On my Facebook page I saw the collective shockwave and I knew a lot of us were feeling this profound loss. Not because Robin was a celebrity but because, at the root of it, Robin was like us, those of us living with mental illness. He was a bright light, he made us laugh, and he made us realize that living with this was possible, even on your worst days. So I think that's why it hit ME so hard.
With that said, I want you all to know how precious your life is. At my darkest, I felt as if I had nobody. I really didn't at the time. But look at what I have now. A wonderful husband, other mommas I met through FB adoption groups, and here at BirthMom Buds, my SISTERS! They hold me up. I wouldn't have that if I had lost that battle. And if I lost it now, they would mourn. So, I'm here to tell you....we care. The sisterhood of women who have placed/relinquished/lost their children to adoption is huge and when we lose one of us..we all feel it. So please know you're important.
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with thoughts of suicide or harming yourself PLEASE reach out. Tell someone. Because your life is priceless. If you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.