Thursday, March 22, 2012

Healing our Past

After my closed adoption, I struggled with many issues. While there is no magic pill, God showed me some very specific things to do in order to bring about healing. Some had to do with drawing closer to him, others had to do with getting my feet grounded in a solid church and with solid christians all around me. Today's might seem obvious, but it has taken me a long time to get it.

Tell God everything. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I know how tedious this sounds. But go with me for a minute. You’re not going to tell him something he doesn't already know. He knows all about you – he created you - and is crazy in love with you regardless of your faults. But he wants to hear it from you. It is amazing the power that is taken away from our deep dark secrets when we speak them out loud. Name your sins to God. Call them for what they are. Repent and start a new path.

The step of naming my sins was so hard for me. I mean, I knew he knew all about me, but the shame of an unwed pregnancy and what it did to my family was overwhelming. I couldn't start praying without just bawling my eyes out.

So how did I finally do it? Probably out of anger or frustration. I got so sick of carrying "the big secret" around all by myself. I just couldn't do it anymore. So in a state of exasperation, I kind of just flung it at him. I learned that he would rather I speak from my heart than follow some religious model.

Name your sins. Name your hurts. Name the people who inflicted the pain on you. Scream, cry, yell, whatever is most appropriate given your situation. Get as much out at a time as you can. You may need to rinse and repeat this step as many times as necessary to get it all out.

Then stop and listen. Just be still. Silence can be deafening at times. But be still and know you have been heard. Let the angels pray over you. Let God whisper words of hope and healing to your heart. Give yourself time to recover before moving on to your commitment.

Tell him everything. No matter how small. He wants to know you intimately and wants you to rely on him for everything.

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