Friday, June 10, 2011

Spotlight Blogger: Meet S.C.L.

This week's featured blogger is S.C.L. of Choosing Love: An Adoption Story.  Let's get to know S.C.L. a bit better....

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

Well, in my blog I call myself S.C.L. and I think that’s what I'm going to stick to right now. When I was little and thought about being a writer I wanted a cool name as an author and I just always like using my initials, so for my blog I decided to do the same. I am 20 years old and live in San Jose, California. I’m a college student with multiple house cleaning and babysitting jobs. When I have the time I like to read, paint, write my blog, and paint my nails with one (or two ;] ) of my 75 different color polishes.

When I got pregnant I was 18-19 and a freshman at a CSU. My ex-boyfriend and I had just broken up, I just got my first real job, and had only moved away from home 6 months ago. I had no man, not enough money, and not enough education to get a decent paying job. I was nowhere near ready to have a baby. My baby deserved the world and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give him that. I couldn’t get an abortion. My Ex and I talked it over multiple times and rationally it was the best thing to do, but I just couldn’t. I knew that I would be extremely disappointed in myself and probably more depressed than any other option I chose. Keeping the baby was never really an option, so adoption was our only choice. After I found the perfect parents for my baby I felt even better about my choice. In October 2010 I gave birth to my beautiful 10 lb baby boy. Four days later he went home with his mom and dad. We have an open adoption so I get pictures, updates and even visitations. So far, though it’s been painful and difficult, I am happy with my choice.

When and why did you begin blogging?
I just started writing my blog in February of this year (2011). It’s a funny story. I was writing an essay for a contest in a magazine. The topic was “What Makes You Amazing?” and I decided to write about the adoption. I was taking a creative thinking class and asked my teacher to read my first rough draft for me after class. By the time she was done she was in tears. I know I’m a blogger and spend most of my time writing, but I’m not THAT good of a writer. I started apologizing profusely, I didn’t mean for her to cry. “ No, I’m sorry” she said “you just don’t understand,” and she began to tell her story. When she had her first child, there were complications that led it to becoming to dangerous to have another child. So for the last few years she and her husband have been trying to adopt but it hasn’t been going well. She was on the verge of giving up, and then she read my essay. She said it was like a sign. Someone was telling her, don’t give up yet it will happen for you. “The real funny thing is,” she said, “I want a daughter and I would have given her the same name as yours. It's my favorite girls name.” I had never been someone’s sign before, so all of this was kind of overwhelming. I started to tell her more in depth about my experiences and what I knew about adoption. She listened and asked questions about my son, his parents, our adoption experience, and me. It really seemed to make her feel better and optimistic. After I went home, I thought hard about what I just experienced. I loved talking about my baby and the adoption either from an emotional standpoint, educational, or both. I didn’t have an outlet for all of my post partum feelings. There wasn’t a support group in my town, I was in between therapists, and I was feeling anxious because I had a visit coming up. I thought about all the girls out there who had the same feelings as me, and how I wished some one REALLY understood what I was going through when I was pregnant. I also thought about all of the misconceptions about adoption and birthmothers that society has. I knew I wanted to help them somehow. I always thought about writing a book or journal about my experience, but I didn’t have the time or focus to sit down and try to write a book ever day. Then I saw one of my friend’s blogs on Facebook and the rest is history. I created my blogspot blog first, then a facebook page, and then I created the same blog on Tumblr. My goal/hope is to help the general public understand adoption from a birthmother’s point of view and to help other birthmoms/ future birthmoms by supporting them and giving them insight from some one who has been there before.

Tell us more about the title of your blog,
Choosing Love: An Adoption Story. Why did you choose it? 

I played with a bunch of ideas for the name. I didn’t want to use a name that was overused, corny, or too long. I tried to play with a few song titles that meant something to me while I was pregnant, but I got nothing. Then I thought about what this adoption really was and meant to me. My biggest worry during the whole adoption (and it’s still my biggest worry) is that my son would think that I gave him up because I didn’t want him or love him, which was just the opposite. I gave him up for adoption because I loved him. When I was young I decided I wanted a certain life for my own kids and when I got pregnant I knew I couldn’t give my baby that life, a life he deserved to have. So I chose adoption, to find parents that would give him that life. Even though it nearly killed me to do it, his happiness was the most important thing to me. When choosing to adopt him out, I chose love. And that was it, the perfect name for what my blog would be about; what it took for me to choose love.

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?
It’s so new that it’s kind of hard to say. So far it’s been mostly positive. I get a lot of support from family, friends, and outsiders who read and enjoy the blog. My son’s parents and their families read the blog and they all enjoy it. I’ve got people that I haven’t seen in years reading it and sending messages about how they love it. Hopefully it will keep up this positive flow for many years to come. 

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?
All I can really say is if you choose to write a blog, you really need to do it for yourself. I know it’s a hypocritical statement because I started writing my blog to help others, but this blog has unintentionally helped me so much. If you write a blog to just put on a show, then just make a youtube video like billions of other people. When writing a blog that involves your life and your experiences, you need to put your whole self into it; body, mind, and soul. No b.s., otherwise people will never take you seriously. As soon as I began to say what was really on my mind, more people began to read my blog. When you write for yourself, you lose all of that expectation to please others or say the right things. The only thing that should matter to you is writing out your thoughts, emotions, dreams, complaints, and whatever else you need to in order to feel better. You are going to be the most honest and sincere to yourself, so write for and to yourself.

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