Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Along Came Today

“Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.”

I love this quote....  It explains how I often feel in the grieving and healing process that I go through as a birthmother. Do you feel that way sometimes?

I certainly know that I do. I have so many feelings regarding Charlie’s adoption and the subsequent loss of mothering him that came along with relinquishing my parental rights and then add in being the parent of a special needs child, dealing with infertility issues and those losses, plus other issues that we deal with in life and some days it seems like I will never be done working through issues!

And you know what, truthfully, I probably won’t. In twenty years, I may not be working through the exact same issues that I am working through today, but there will always be something. I will always be working through whatever is going on in my life as that is just who I am and the only way I really know to deal with things. I will always be trying to grow as a person, wife, mother, birthmother, etc. as long as I am on this earth.
But for me sometimes it seems as though I do all this inner grief work, get to where I think I need to be, come to terms with things, and just when I finally begin to feel ok with something, just as the quote says…. along comes today bringing more thoughts, feelings, and issues.

Grief, loss, and the issues surrounding them really are circular. I’m always thinking of them (maybe not as much on some days, more on others), always working through them, going past things, and then circling around and coming back to them.

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