Saturday, January 24, 2015

Coping 2: Get Creative

I'm sure many of you have been told to "get creative" when it comes to coping.  And there are several specific things people will bring up: scrapbooking, collages, writing letters or poems, all pretty much about the child we just placed for adoption.  All of these are good things.  I'm not saying they're not.  And if these things help you, by all means, go forth.  I simply would also like to make the case for just getting creative because you can.

I like to knit.  After my son was born and all that happened, I got back into knitting with a vengeance.  I learned every stitch.  I found patterns and more patterns and more patterns.  I got yarn.  I got needles.  And I went at it.  Knitting, for me, is almost a meditative kind of activity.  It gets all my thoughts in order and calms me down.  People often asked me if I was making something for my son.  And I have made things for him, but I wasn't at that time.  At that time I just needed something TO DO.  So I settled on knitting.  And for me, knitting is a lot of fun.

The other thing I like to do is write.  And not just blog posts like this.  I like to write stories.  I have been making up stories since I was a little kid.  I've written them down from time to time.  I like to write poetry, too.  But I've always really loved writing stories.  I think what I like the most about it is getting to be someone else for a change, even if it's just in my head and only for a little while.  Doesn't really matter.  I like writing science fiction and adventure stories.  I like people heading off on quests.  I like big battles.  And I like moral ambiguities that make me think.  After placing my son, I also started writing.  Wrote bits and pieces mostly, fiddled with a couple things that turned into novels and have been writing more and more ever since.  It's just so fun for me to make up stories and worlds and people and find millions of ways to play with them.  My son's adoptive father is also a poet, so we have connected there on a personal level.  J has started making up stories and telling them to his parents.  And his adoptive father is constantly amazed by his creativity.  I have to admit, this development makes me very very happy.  Hoping one day I might get the chance to collaborate with my son on something.  That would make my entire lifetime.

I didn't write about my son and the feelings I had about it all until much later.  And I think at the time it all happened, it was just too much.  I was having a hard time holding it all together in my head, much less writing it down on paper.  So I knitted a blanket.  And I wrote a short story.  And I got along with a number of creative projects like that until I could get the words out.  When I finally did, it still hurt.  But it did help a great deal.  But I didn't write until I was ready.

I hope everyone reading this is doing well today.  May you find your own ways of getting creative and expressing your thoughts.

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