Thursday, January 15, 2015

A Tale of Two Pregnancies

For quite a while now, this thought has been bouncing around my head. It's true we don't always get to see the immediate impact and results of our choices, but eventually we do. Eventually for some of our choices we get a glimpse of the bigger picture.

This post is a tale of two pregnancies. My dad passed away about 10 years ago and my mother has since remarried. I did not know her new husband while I was growing up nor did I know his daughters. But while I was having an unplanned pregnancy, one of his daughters was having one, too. The circumstances were different as were our ages and many other variables, which I think is important to note. But we were both unmarried and unexpectedly pregnant.

Our families took radically different approaches on how they handled the crisis. Darcy was an adult, but her family moved her into their home, took care of her, and supported her in every way while she continued her pregnancy, gave birth and parented her child. My family moved me to a maternity home, kept their distance, and waited for me to deliver so they could bring me home and forget it ever happened.

Fast forward 27 years. I placed my child with an adoptive family and they divorced. My birthdaughter dropped out of college, got married, got divorced, dropped back into college and got her degree. She married again and has a child of her own. She is a successful actuary, they bought their first home this year, and seem to be happy.

Darcy's child experienced her second unplanned pregnancy this year with her second baby daddy. She was about to finish nursing school but flunked out. She is still being supported in every way, including financially, by her mother and extended family members. She has moved in with her boyfriend who has children of his own.

I know this isn't a fair comparison and I won't try to convince you that it is. There are so many differences in these two stories that it's like comparing apples to oranges. But this is my true family story. And while I made the hard choice and did what I thought was the absolute best I could do for my child, I have been put down, called names and ignored by the ones who say they love me, including my own mother. Darcy's child can do no wrong, is the apple of everyone's eye and gets overwhelming support even with her poor choices, even from my own mother.

Life isn't fair. It just isn't. There are days I would love to cut off any kind of relationship with my mom and other family members. But that is not what the God of the Bible has called me to do. He has called me to love those who hate me, to love those who hurt me. And what is love you ask? Love is patient and kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.


  1. I love you, Terry. Someone like you made me a Nana.

  2. Terri, I find it hard to believe that "the God of the Bible" wants you to be a stomping mat for people who just want to hurt you. Why stick around for that? THat is not helping anyone, it just enables the offenders. Sure, you can love and pray for them, but shouldn't proper boundaries be set? Doesn't make a lick of sense to me, sorry.