Saturday, January 17, 2015

Coping 1: Taking a Break

Since I've gotten back into a local support group and have met a couple of new birthmothers, I've started thinking about the different ways that we cope with what has happened to us and how we cope as time goes on.  So I flipped through a few ideas and I wanted to talk about a few of the things that have worked for me and others that I know.  So, here we go.

First thing is taking a break.  Right after I gave birth to J, I wanted to be anywhere other than where I was.  It didn't really matter where I was or who was around or what was going on.  And I didn't really know where I wanted to be.  It was at a loss.  So, I did what I have done before, I disappeared into books and writing and Netflix.  I'm a second generation librarian who was often told that I could disappear into any book that I wanted.  I'm also a writer.  And building my own worlds is sometimes how I cope with the rest of the world.  And, well, let's face it, Netflix is just awesome.  I was watching whole seasons of shows and finding new movies and watching all manner of new things.  For me, it was a break: a break from reality.  This is something I'm practiced at.  So I knew the ways back.  But for a while, this was my break.

I have known a few other birthmothers who, in the aftermath of everything, decided to take a break in one way or another.  One took a job in another state.  One took a job on a cruise ship.  Two went to college.  One went back to work.  Others did like me and hid away from reality for a while one way or another.  I think for every birthmother there needs to be a time right after everything has been settled where we take a break.  Just a time to step back, step away, come back to ourselves, and find a place where we can start to think about what to do next and where to go next with our lives.

Taking a break is something important to remember later on, too.  After each visit, I always take off at least a few hours where I don't talk to anyone or just dive into a movie or TV show for a few hours so I can just take a break from everything I'm feeling at that moment.  So take my advice, if you need to, take a break.

I have a few ideas on what to do next.  But if you have any certain coping ideas that you want me to write about, let me know in the comments.  Hope you all have a great day!

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