Jealousy

Recently I found out that an acquaintance of mine from high school was pregnant and considering adoption. When I found this out I reached out and told her my thoughts and opinions and gave her my support in whatever decision she made. It was even weirder that we had the same due date (only a year later) and she was also having a girl. I felt happy that for once I might actually be able to talk to and know someone else who was a birth mom. A few months later she had changed her mind and decided to parent her baby. I don't know why it had such a profound effect on me. I am a huge advocate for a woman making the right decision for herself whatever that decision may be. This weekend she gave birth to a healthy baby girl a few weeks early. Seeing the pictures just about broke my heart. It was hard to even look at them. I was so jealous that she had her daughter and was going to take her home from the hospital. She was going to do everything I wish I could do but was not able to at the time. I felt crazy for feeling this way because to be honest I was never really close with this girl in the first place, but I felt so devastated by watching this girls story unfold on Facebook. I kept thinking that it wasn't fair. I wanted to hold my baby and take her home from the hospital and raise her but I was in no place to do so at the time, and it hurt to watch this girl almost exactly a year later who was going to parent.

I spent most of my weekend upset and it just didn't make a lot of sense to me and I felt so crazy I didn't want to tell any of my friends or family about how I was feeling. I know I am not the first birth mom out there to experience jealousy but this was the first time I had experienced it in such a strong way. I wanted to be happy for this girl but it felt impossible for me. I felt terrible in so many different ways this weekend. I have had some time to think and I know that these are just more issues that we birth moms have to deal with and something I am going to have to work on in my life too. I know that the decision I made was right for my daughter and I, and I have to respect that she made the right decision for her. I wouldn't trade the life my daughter has for anything.

What have your experiences with jealousy been like? Is it harder to deal with new babies in your own family?

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