When I was invited to my son's 2nd birthday party, I was nervous, as you can imagine. One of the first people I was introduced to at the party was my son J's grandmother, who for the purposes of this story I will call Mary. J was her very first grandchild and I could tell by the way she doted on him that she had been looking forward to having a grandchild to spoil for a very long time. When we were officially introduced, she was very warm and friendly to me and my parents. We spent a good portion of the party sitting together and chatting. When a few were surprised by my presence, she gave what can only be described as a "don't you mess with my family" look. She folded me in with all the others she held dear because I was the one who gave them J.
I saw Mary again at J's 3rd birthday which was held at her house. She greeted me with a hug and together we marveled at how much J had grown. Again, we chatted for a long time. She asked about my parents and how my ex-boyfriend, J's father, was doing. Again I felt like I had been folded into a family I had never dreamed I would be so welcome in. And I highly respected and admired her for that.
Wednesday night, at poetry night, J's adoptive father informed me that Mary had passed away just the day before. It had been over a year since I had seen her last, but still I remembered the woman's warmth and love towards me. I wish that I had thanked her for that when I still had the time. So I'm writing this to thank you, dear Mary, for making me feel like family and accepting me with grace and love and joy. I hope by sending this out into the universe, it will reach you somehow so that you will know how much I appreciated and respected you.
To those of you considering placing for adoption, or those in the first raw months of it, I hope that you are welcomed and accepted by those you never thought would. I hope you find love and grace and respect from those you meet and those who will be a part of your child's life. And last of all, I hope you all have a wonderful day.