Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Birth Grandparents

Depending on your situation telling your parents that you are pregnant and considering adoption can be one of the hardest steps in the process. My mother actually found out I was pregnant without me telling her. I had already made an appointment with a a doctor and had planned to tell her when I came home from school. When I came back to visit I was so nervous to tell her. I thought that she was going to explode, I was the first child to go to college and here I am 7 months later telling her I am pregnant by a guy I barely know.

When I returned home she pulled me aside and asked me why she had received an appointment reminder from an OBGYN in the mail that was addressed to me. I was in such shock I didnt know what to say. She went on to ask if she was going to be a grandmother. That moment broke my heart because I already knew in my heart that adoption was the right choice for me. At first she was angry and for the next 9 months there was always tension about the baby. I heard the same things that some birth mothers hear from their parents.  She wanted me to keep the baby or let her raise the baby. Wanting to make your parents proud and listen to their advice is a normal part of being human and it is extremely difficult when your parents are against one of the hardest decisions in your life.

I love my mom but there was no way I was going to let her raise my child. I wanted E to have the life I never could. I wanted her to grow up in a home that felt whole, not broken. I wanted her to have a mom and dad that loved her and had all of the resources that we didn't have. It was hard explaining to the woman who raised you that you didn't want her raising your child. She took it personally and felt as though I didn't think she was a good mother. Most of my pregnancy I felt like I was more worried about my mothers feelings than my own.

Now that my daughter is almost a year old, things have calmed down. My mom loves and appreciates that I send her my picture updates when I receive them and we are planning on including my mom in a visit sometime soon.  She realizes the reasons I made my decision and we no longer hold anything against each other. Time heals all wounds.

If you are pregnant, I highly recommend telling your parents before they find out another way. This way you have your chance to tell them why you are considering adoption for your baby. Being able to tell your parents how you feel and why you feel that way is the best way to start this journey.

How did your parents react when you told them about your pregnancy/adoption plan? How has it effected your relationship in the long run?
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