This year will be my 3rd Christmas being a mother without my child there to celebrate with me. The first Christmas was unbearable, because she wasn't even two months old yet. Her adoptive parents made it a little easier for me by sending me a photo on Christmas of the ornament I sent to my daughter sitting on their tree. I remember reading that email like I just read it yesterday. It was a day that I did not expect to hear from them because they have such a large family and I figured they would be so busy. Later that day, they sent photos of her in her Christmas dress. It made the day a little more bearable. I still love the holidays, but something definitely is missing. Well, not something, someone. It's funny how as I grew older and Christmas was less of an "event" at my house, I never once thought "this day would be much more exciting and full of life if there was a happy little kid tearing presents open," even though I was aware that seeing my little cousins on Christmas was always amazing. Seeing them tear open presents, seeing their eyes light up, and watching them beg their dad to assemble their toys was always amazing to me. It made me feel like a kid again. Fast forward to now, it's all I think about on Christmas. Wishing I had a little (this year, 2 year old) running around. Playing, laughing, making a mess of paper and bags all over my house. Falling asleep on the floor or the couch because she is so tuckered out from all of the excitement.
It warms my hear to know that so many people love her, and I know gifts and material things don't mean much in this world, but I have seen the Christmas tree and just her gifts alone surround it. The tree is drowning in a sea of gifts that are all hers. She is one lucky girl. So many aunts and uncles to spoil her. Her adoptive mom was adopted herself, so she has her adoptive mom's birth parents and parents to spoil her as well. I find comfort in knowing that she is having an amazing holiday, even if I feel lonely and edgy all day.
How do you cope with holidays, if you celebrate them, and don't have any other kids to share the day with?