This time of year is always such a double-edged sword. I want the days to pass because the days surrounding my daughter's birthday are tough (her birthday is November 2), but I also want to cherish them because my fondest memories of her are on her actual day of birth and the couple of days following. Those are the days we spent in the hospital together. So while it nearly kills me to think about, I also enjoy the memories.
With Thanksgiving literally right around the corner, I'm getting a bit anxious about what the day will bring. This will be the 3rd Thanksgiving since having & placing my little girl. The very first Thanksgiving, she was only a couple of weeks old, and I was still in a fog about it all. I was also a two weeks or so away from having gallbladder surgery, so I was wrapped up in that as well, so that one was fairly easy to get through. Truthfully, I don't remember much about Thanksgiving last year, either. I know that on that morning, I woke up to an email with pictures from her birthday party. It was almost as if her mom knew I would need a little extra support during the holidays.
This is a holiday centered around family. I don't have a very big family, so my mom's side comes over, and that includes just my grandmother and uncle. In a way, I am glad, because I don't have to keep up "appearances" for a large group, but in other ways, I wish the day would be a little "busier." I have a lot to be thankful for, but it's easy to lose sight of that when I am sitting there wishing I was washing a two-year-old's face and hands because she got mashed potatoes everywhere, and the reality is that I'm not. Not even close. I'm thankful because I know that tomorrow my daughter will be surrounded by her very large, diverse family and she will have boatloads of cousins to play with. I'm thankful that she will probably be in a gorgeous
Thanksgiving dress and that her mom will have so much fun doing her hair that morning.
I'm trying to keep these thoughts close to my heart as tomorrow approaches. Do I wish I could be thankful for the little girl sitting at the table with my family, her birth family? Yes. But I can't, so instead I'll focus on being thankful that she is here on this earth and loved beyond imagination.