Writing Letters to Your Child

Many birthmothers, even those in open adoptions, write letters to their placed child. Some birthmothers find it healing, therapeutic, and a way to connect with their child. Some birthmothers may write at the same time each month, such as the date their child was born while others may write only when and if they feel the need. Some may write on special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays. Some birthmothers may send the letter to their child right away while others may save it until their child is older and others may write and keep the letters in their journal.

There are also some birthmothers who may struggle with writing letters to their child. I admit that this can sometimes be a struggle for me, although I have managed to keep one letter writing tradition going on each year and that is the birthday letter tradition. When the son I parent turned one, I remember reflecting on how much had gone on in his first year of life. So I sat down and wrote a letter to him telling him about all of the things that had changed in that first year of his life, the battles we’d faced and overcome, etc... So on his second birthday, I decided to do it again, thus beginning a tradition.

When Charlie was born and his first birthday rolled around, it just seemed natural to sit down and compose a “birthday letter” for him and I have kept that tradition each year. I send his birthday letter to him each year in a special card, separate from what I give him when I spend time with him on his actual birthday. His Mom puts all the birthday letters up in his special keepsake box filled with things I have given him over the years.


Although, I’m not the best letter writer, I do enjoy sending cards. I try to send Charlie a card after visits and then I send cards for some of the smaller holidays (like Halloween or Valentine’s Day) with some stickers or candy inside. And sometimes I’ll just send cute cards that say “hi” or “thinking of you” for no real reason other than he was especially on my mind and heart that day. I’m much better with sending cards though than with writing longer letters.


Do you write letters to your child? Do you send/give them to your child, plan to save them for when he/she is older, or do you want them to remain private?