Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Two Forbidden A Words

As my title says at the top this post is going to be about the two "forbidden" A-Words that sometimes happen to come up in conversation making that conversation become completely awkward, controversial, and sometimes can even make friendships non-existent.

I had a friend the other day post a status about a "Question of the Day" and he asked if a woman is raped is it ok for her to get an abortion. It got really heated. The status was eventually deleted because in my opinion the debate got a little out of hand.

I can't exactly remember what I said, but I know that I stated something about adoption and then it got even more heated because obviously no one could see my opinion or side of things. My whole thing is that the emotional turmoil of rape is pretty great and that if a woman adds adoption to the mix it can be an emotional down spiral and be really bad, but that if they have a great support system then abortion doesn't have to be the only option.

But that whole thing got me to thinking...why is it that when people talk about adoption its just as forbidden as when talking about abortion? They are completely different sides of the spectrum, yet they are debated and put in the same context with each other. You're either loved or hated for both and it's just really unfortunate. I have always been a person for woman's rights and I believe that every woman is in control of her own body, and what she wants to do with it. I believe every woman has a choice, now this is not a choice that I would make for myself, but I still think that it's your body, your area your stuff and what you do with it is your decision. Just like if a woman decides to have an adoption plan then that is her choice, that is her decision, and she has her reasoning behind it.

I've just been sitting around thinking that we get judged so much daily, still to this day about being woman and our choices and decisions are always looked at under a microscope. It doesn't matter what we say or do it just seems to never be the right decision.

I guess I'm rambling trying to figure out why people want to put us all in the same boat? I am just really frustrated these days because it seems that no matter what we do, be it for ourselves or for our unborn children that we are forced to have to make a choice dependent on other peoples views and ideas. We all have our reasons for abortion and we all have our reasons for adoption, I just wish that some people would stop judging. I may not believe in abortion, but I do believe that a woman's choice is a woman's choice. They also tend to be in hiding, or feel shameful for what they do, when in all actuality there should be people that step up and support these people. Just like I hope that people will one day step up and support adoption more so that these women who even have the thought about abortion, understand that there are more options out there.

Sorry for all the ranting, just been a weird day and I just needed to speak and say some things that I felt needed to be said.



  1. The difference is that those aborted aren't around to speak out while adult adoptees are.We know now how it really is for adult adoptees and how they view and live adoption. It's complex!

  2. I agree with Von. And as far as "supporting adoption" goes, I can say that I know for sure that the adoption industry will NEVER tell a pregnant woman the risks of surrendering a child to adoption to herself, or to her child. Risks like suicide, lifelong depression, open adoptions not being legally enforceable (even in states where they are enforceable, it's a nightmare to fight if the ap's decide to close it) and secondary infertility.

    This adoptee will NEVER support the separation of natural mother and her child.

  3. People think that the women who choose abortion would/should choose adoption if abortion wasn't an option. However, most of the women who choose abortion are not in a position to continue the pregnancy at all, and thus choose adoption in the end.

    First, I wish that people would just leave abortion up to the parent(s) and the woman's doctor. Second, if the law has to go mucking around in it, I wish it would be to simply state the pros and cons of all three choices - abortion, adoption, and parenting. All of this "must see a sonogram", "must be told what's going on developmentally", etc. is just plain mean.

    I really do think that the adoption industry will change. It's slow, for sure. But as more birthmothers and adoptees come out of the woodwork and are vocal about their experiences, and try to use their voices for reform, instead of simple condemnation, the industry will have to change. More adoptive parents are finally getting their heads out of the sand and seeing what life is like for other members of the triad. Like I said, it will be slow, but it will change.