Friday, September 18, 2009

Another Birthday

Charlie will celebrate his eighth birthday on Sunday. It sounds so cliché but it’s hard to believe he is going to be eight! It seems like only yesterday I was holding a tiny baby in a hospital bed preparing to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life while at other times it seems like a lifetime ago.

Most birthmothers will agree that their child’s birthday is a hard day for them. Personally speaking, in the days leading up to Charlie’s birthday are very emotional. I find myself reliving all those last little moments Charlie and I had together. I relive the excitement of meeting my son for the first time and spending time with him. I relive the kind thoughts, cards, and gifts from friends, family members, and other visitors. I relive preparing to say goodbye and sign the relinquishment papers just a few days after his birth.

A question I get asked many times by new birthmothers is if the birthdays get easier as the years pass. I have to honestly say no, they haven’t for me.

I expected Charlie’s first birthday to be hard and emotional. As I was able to spend time with him both on his actual birthday and at his birthday party a few days later, it was also very bittersweet. I was glad to be celebrating with him but sad at the same time since I wasn’t the one throwing the celebration.

I thought his second birthday would be easier. But it wasn’t. Third birthday, I thought the same thing. When his fourth birthday rolled around, I was prepared. I’ve learned that none of Charlie’s birthdays will probably ever be easy for me. They will probably always be emotional and bittersweet.

But now, I do have feel like I have the upper hand in some regards because I know to expect they are going to be hard and I know to be prepared for that. (If one can ever really prepare for emotional situations, but I at least attempt it. 

Photo Credit

No comments:

Post a Comment