Monday, September 21, 2009

Coping with Closed Adoption

Today's post is written by guest blogger, Alicia M.

Being the birthmother of a daughter in a closed adoption is on a good day tolerable and on a bad day very hard. Your child’s birthday, Mother’s Day, and other holidays are probably some of the common hard days birthmothers experience but there are ways to make it through and cope on those hard days.

A big part of how I cope is to focus on the possibility of a future reunion with my birth daughter. I keep a journal and a photo album just for her. In the journal, I tell her what is going on in my life and tell her of my love for her and how much I miss her. On her birthday and Christmas each year, I get her a special card and sign and date them. I keep the journal, albums, and cards for her and hope to one day be able to give them to her. Sometimes I write poems for her or about her and will share these with her one day as well.

I try hard to think positive that one day we will reunite and I will get to see her again and that she will get to see and meet her sisters.

Other birthmothers I know will light a candle in honor of their child on important dates like birthdays or holidays.

I pray for my daughter and her adoptive family on a regular basis. I also pray for the strength to get me through the days without her. My faith has gotten me through a lot of hard days.

I also share how I feel with other birthmothers. I get a lot of love and support from all of the women at BirthMom Buds. I do not know where I would be without them. There are women there who are going through what I am going through and we have laughed and cried together. I’ve also learned that when you need to cry, let yourself cry and lean on your family and friends as needed on those hard days.

I know it is not easy and some days are harder than others, but just try to take it one day at a time.

Photo Credit


  1. February 6, 2012

    Dear Alicia,

    Ahh...Thank-you for sharing your incredible journey thus far! I understand that hurt and I'm here for you darling!

    I know this is an old post and I'm hoping this message reaches you....

    I too am a birth mother of a closed adoption. My son was born 29 yrs ago and I just found him in October,2011 through adoption!!!!He is well and has a beautiful mother, father and siblings. He's got a beautiful girlfriend, and I found out I'm a grandma, he's got a precious 7 month old daughter! We are reconnecting on face book and we are in the process of setting up a date to meet! I am in need of support from women who have gone through a reunion and the preparations they made emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc...the whole gammit of emotions,and feelings one goes through and any do's and don'ts along that might be helpful.

    Please, if you know of lots of women who have walked or walking in these shoes, please have them email me at:
    I would love to hear their stories! I would be ever so grateful!

    You will be in my prayers that one day you will meet your precious daughter and have an incredible reunion! May you also have a continued,prosperous,and blessed relationship with her too!

    This is my first-time posting! I just found this website and I'm thrilled to pieces for the support that this provides for us! Thank-you!

    God Bless YOU Wonderful Women of Strength and Courage!!!!

    All my Love,

  2. I was born and adopted in 1990 with a strictly closed adoption..... I just found my family in Feburary 2010. Email me if you want...