Saturday, April 25, 2015

How I Picked My Son's Family

I realized that I haven't talked that much about my adoption story. So I wanted to start with how I picked the couple who would have my son.

I was in my parent's house.  I was sitting in front of my mother's computer.  And I had finally gotten up the courage to look at the list of prospective adoptive parents on the adoption agency website.  The list was two pages.  And it went in order alphabetically by the husband's first name.  I looked at the first profile written by the couple.  And I felt nothing.  Just felt like, nope.  Not the ones to have my kid.  At this point I'm already berating myself for turning down a perfectly good couple.  I didn't know what I was looking for.  But I had to find a couple who would take my son.  The second couple on the list made me smile for one reason: my boyfriend's name and the husband's name were the same.  At the time I said out loud,

"Wouldn't it be funny if both his dad's had the same name?"

I was joking.  But then I pulled up their profile and started reading.  He was an English professor and a musician.  She was a painter.  They wrote a letter directly to me saying they couldn't imagine what I was going through and how hard this decision must be.  They each wrote a letter about each other and described one another.  By the end of it, I said out loud,

"His life just might have to be funny."

But like every girl in the world, I couldn't settle for the second dress I tried on.  I went through and read every single profile on that list.  Every one.  But none of them spoke to me the way theirs did.  None of them said to me, "Yes, these are the one to have your child."

Over and over again I went back to their profile.  When my boyfriend and I finally decided adoption was the best idea, I told him about them and about who they were.  He read the profile and without reading any others he agreed, it had to be them.

I went to the adoption agency to get set things in motion.  And I was given a binder full of profiles to look through.  I calmly paged through each one.  But at the very end was the couple I had mentioned before.  Now I got to see pictures of them with family, in their home, what the nursery looked like.  I saw them dressed up and ready for church.  And I saw them dressed down and playing with the dog.  And I knew, these were the ones to raise my child.

This July it will be five years since my child was born.  And I have never second-guessed my decision to place my son with his parents.  I may question why I did it and if it was the best idea.  But choosing them I have never second-guessed.

There is no one way to pick the people who will have your son.  I've heard multiple stories, and all of them different.  Some knew from looking at the profile because of a butterfly picture or something else that spoke to that birthmother.  I know some who had it down to two, but once meeting them they knew exactly which couple was going to have their child.  There is no right or wrong way about this.  You choose who you think will do the best job at raising your child.  I high suspected mine was going to be a creative creature from the very beginning.  As it turns out, I was absolutely right.  So I put him with a painter and a writer/musician.  Whichever way his creativity takes him, I have no doubt that he will be supported in his endeavors.

I hope you're all doing well.  Those of you who will be at the retreat, I will be seeing you soon!

1 comment:

  1. I knew with the first couple my agency matched me to... then I saw pictures of their home, their dog their family and it confirmed I didn't need to look anymore. I met them and asked a ton of questions and all I could think was "this is how I would raise my boys" it was the hardest thing I did signing those papers. I always wonder if I did the right thing, if I could have made it work with twins as a single mom with no help. But I never questioned the parents I picked.