Thursday, February 16, 2012


I've been thinking about courage recently. Courage to face each day, courage to try again when I've failed, courage to move past my stuff. Since my closed adoption brought such shame to my family, I didn't talk about it for many years. I just stuffed it inside, went to some counseling, and journaled. But it was a pretty private thing which made it an even bigger and bigger deal. It's so funny how something left in the dark grows bigger and uglier with time.

But after I got married I somehow started to find the courage to 'go public.' I remember telling a friend my plan to tell our Sunday School class about my experience, partly in rebellion to my parents who would have preferred I stay quiet.

Yes, it took courage to say my story out loud to a roomful of people for the first time. But more than that, it was scary going back to that same roomful of people Sunday after Sunday. I found that speaking my story out loud and walking away was no big deal. But it was much harder to tell friends and people I cared about. What if they rejected me? What if they laughed? or misunderstood?

Being transparent with people I truly care about has been the biggest test of my courage. What tests yours?


  1. I hear you Terri, The fear of being transparent with those that we value and LOVE or that are closest to us. But I honestly have always been a very transparent person. I feel that "If" I ever lose a close person in my life by being transparent. Then that is the way it was suppose to play out for me. I am going through something very very painful right now in my life. I had to be blunt and up front with a family member. No response from them. It is hurting me very much right now, I am all my FATHER has right now and he is very sick, I am not well either. This person knows this and only tells me she is praying, Prayers I am thankful for, But I think GOD wants us to use that POWER in us that he gives us to RESCUE and help another. That is what FML is for family medical leave. But she only comes when she desires not when it is most needed. So back to your post forgive me for getting off track. I think fear of losing someone makes us not be transparent. But I have always been very transparent, and I have been involved at our local crisis pregnancy center for 10 years. I have been told by all my Sisters there that they LOVE me most for that transparency. We are who we are and being transparent I think as Christians God see's that as being REAL. Thanks for a great POST!!!

  2. Courage is what a birthmom is most everytime. Someone wise once said courage is who you are when no one is looking. Birthmom fits that daily. Because I work with the public and most have no idea. Great blog terri