A comment I received on my last blog post caused me to do some thinking. The commenter stated that I had entrusted my daughter’s adoptive parents with her and it seemed odd for them to not trust me with something as simple as their last name, address, and phone numbers. I addressed her and said that especially at this point that it was mostly due to their respect for their parents’ opinions on open adoptions, which is true.
However that’s not the point to this post. Though I no longer feel this way, I felt the same way at one time. I thought that it was weird of my daughter’s parents to not trust me with basic information about them when I had given them my daughter.
Obviously something changed. I think the major reason for the change in my own feelings about it is that they’ve continued to extend their hands to us to keep the relationship open and working. If they didn’t trust us at this point, I think that though they might have continued the bare minimum that they wouldn’t be making the extra efforts that they have been. My daughter’s mom wouldn’t be emailing me, nor would she be suggesting visits out of the blue. At our last visit, they left their daughter with us for a short period of time. If they didn’t trust us, that wouldn’t have happened. That only served to cement the understanding that they do trust us but they still have to balance that with their respect for their parents’ wishes. I have hopes that at some point in the future their parents will trust us with their granddaughter like their son and daughter do.
This change in thinking caused me to think about what else has changed in my thought patterns and feelings in adoption.
I honestly used to think of adoption as kind of a bad thing. Not that it was bad to be adopted, or to place a baby for adoption – just that it was different and could be bad for the children involved. I now understand after living an open adoption and seeing other working open adoptions in action that differences do not always equal negatives. I had this opinion because I grew up knowing that my dad had been adopted and saw the things he blamed on being adopted. I saw the feelings of abandonment that many adoptees I’ve read (especially from closed adoptions) struggle with feeling. Though I still unfortunately see many broken adoptions, I also see the thriving open adoptions and know how much it benefits all involved, but especially the children. This has worked toward changing another thought process in my head surrounding adoption.
Have thoughts and feelings changed for you as well? What specifically? Have they changed for the better or have you changed your opinion negatively due to your own situation?