Friday, April 8, 2011

To Visit or Not to Visit?

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Many of you might know that my daughter lives with her parents in Beaverton, OR, about 2.5 – 3 hours drive from me.  The distance doesn’t bother me.  In fact, most of the time I think it’s a great thing that there’s that much physical distance between us.

This past weekend, I had occasion to go down to Oregon for the weekend.  We didn’t visit our daughter.  In fact, I didn’t even let T and C know that we were going to be down there.  I spent some time with a couple of friends of mine that I hadn’t seen in way too long and I went out for sushi (yum!) with one of them.

But it just felt odd to be down there and NOT see Mackenzie.  We drove down Friday night and I got those familiar pre-visit butterflies.  I had to remind myself multiple times that we weren’t seeing our daughter this time.  I didn’t even expect a visit “so soon” since we just saw them about a month ago.  There was just something inside me that kept saying that I should be seeing her.

I found myself unconsciously watching cars we passed to see if I could catch a glimpse of her.  We actually stayed in Beaverton this visit when usually we stay in Portland (they’re right next to each other).  I think that contributed to my feelings of being so near and yet so far.  We went out for a late dinner at The Cheesecake Factory in Beaverton on Friday night.  The restaurant is part of an upscale sort of mall called Washington Square.  We had about an hour wait before getting seated, so we walked around the mall.  We actually met T and C at that mall for one of our visits, so I found myself wondering if they’d just happen to be there.  I don’t know why – they’re not the hanging out at the mall types – especially since it was late enough that I assumed it would be bedtime for Mackenzie.  But I couldn’t help myself.  Every young child crying made me ache to see her.

I talked to one of my friends about making another trip down there fairly soon to just hang out again as she’s on sabbatical right now.  I don’t know if it will work out or not with our schedules, but I think I need to make another trip down there when I’m not having a visit with my daughter.  I think I need to stop associating that area down there with Mackenzie visits.  I don’t know if it will help that weird feeling and the almost ache that was there constantly or not.  But it’s worth a try.

Have you had any experiences like that?  What did you do to help yourself get past the ache?

1 comment:

  1. I honestly don't know if you'll ever stop associating that area with Mackenzie. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that you do but I think it's probably just something that is imbedded into your heart and you'll always get a twang of memories when your in that area.

    There are certain areas/things that I associate with C and as much as I try to not associate those things with him, it still pops up without warning!