Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Birthday

I've been overly emotional the past couple of weeks and, honestly, with all that is going on since my husband's accident, it's no wonder. But when the calendar changed over to March on Saturday, things started becoming clearer. My birthdaughter's birthday is just a week away, and yet each year I seem to be surprised that March starts as soon as February ends.

So yesterday, when the kids were playing outside and the house was quiet, I sat down and wrote a note to my darling daughter. As I get older, I seem to be more and more interested in connecting with Katie in a mother-to-mother way than in a I-gave-birth-to-you way. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that we are raising children about the same age at the same time. Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's all the years of debating the rights and wrongs of open adoption, closed adoption and everything in between.

It's all just so exhausting, isn't it? To constantly be held in judgment; to constantly hold myself in judgment. Sometimes I just wish all of that stuff would go away so I could just have a friendship with her. So I could just have whatever relationship develops with her. And not feel like it should be something it's not.

So that's where I'm at. I hope you are having an easier time than me right now.

Photo credit

1 comment:

  1. Reunited now for 13 years with my bdaughter that is now 32. We have come to a beautiful place. Terri, my adoption was closed like yours. So the dynamics are so much different. So we have to approach our placements as such. I have come to such a healthy place now. Whe she and I know the story, we know the facts. She loves me like a Sister. She doesn't see me as her MOTHER. Because I am not. The Mother is the one that raised her and met every single need. I have come to a place that even though I suffered years ago in this Crisis Pregnancy. She was innocent. She didn't have a CHOICE, But God made sure in his timing that I would be healed and he stuck beside me through it all. He still is right their for she and I and we have a very open relationship. The type that I have told her time and time again that she HOLDS the KEYS to US. I will never force or invade a relationship. Did it happen over night. NO! We have had a journey to get to here. All placements are unique. Sometimes in life you have to get REAL, Really real with a situation. The truths. I have counseled many many birth mothers that when they reunite they want to be the MOTHERS again to the Adult they placed years ago. That is unrealistic. You build from the now, not the past. Hope this gives insight. You both have so much you could be sharing right NOW. Both Mothers, that should be sharing the delight of parenting and learning one from another.