I've been overly emotional the past couple of weeks and, honestly, with all that is going on since my husband's accident, it's no wonder. But when the calendar changed over to March on Saturday, things started becoming clearer. My birthdaughter's birthday is just a week away, and yet each year I seem to be surprised that March starts as soon as February ends.
So yesterday, when the kids were playing outside and the house was quiet, I sat down and wrote a note to my darling daughter. As I get older, I seem to be more and more interested in connecting with Katie in a mother-to-mother way than in a I-gave-birth-to-you way. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that we are raising children about the same age at the same time. Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's all the years of debating the rights and wrongs of open adoption, closed adoption and everything in between.
It's all just so exhausting, isn't it? To constantly be held in judgment; to constantly hold myself in judgment. Sometimes I just wish all of that stuff would go away so I could just have a friendship with her. So I could just have whatever relationship develops with her. And not feel like it should be something it's not.
So that's where I'm at. I hope you are having an easier time than me right now.