Quote of the Week: Life is Like a Stage

"Life is like a stage - 

it's big and wide and constantly changing."

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What is My Worth?

Sometimes we allow our own views and thoughts of ourselves to speak to the heart. The worst part of that is that those bad memories of past mistakes, hurts, and mean words we've heard penetrate deeply into our souls.

Do you ever find yourself sitting around and thinking about past failures, things you wish you would have done or done differently or maybe even those people that you view as better then you?  I know I sure have! I remember drowning in my own thought pool. Then someone saved me from my own views of myself and told me, just as I will you. 

Stop for a moment and try to see yourself and your worth through God's eyes.

Here are a few words from God's love letter to you.

• "For we/you are God’s masterpieces. He has created us/you anew in Christ Jesus, so we/you can do the good things he planned for us/ you long ago." ~ Ephesians 2:10
• "For I know the plan I have for you to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11
• "You are not your own; you were bought at a price." ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
• "Your worth is far above Rubies." ~ Proverbs 31:10           

Be Blessed,

LeiLani

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Grief Will Not Win, I Will

"You can let the grief control you or you can control the grief." ~ Author Unknown

I love this quote. I came across it awhile back and wrote it down. I don’t remember exactly where I found it though.


In the beginning of being a birthmother, the grief controlled me. I think that’s only normal in the beginning of something life altering, like relinquishing a child. There were days that I thought the grief would win and take over my life. But slowly, I began to realize that I couldn’t go on like that forever. I had to take control of the grief. I’ve learned that I have a choice.


Each day, when I wake up, I have a choice. I can choose to get up, deal with the grief that comes to me that day, and do something with it and about it. Or I can choose to stay in my bed, have the biggest one person pity party in the world, and let the grief win.


That doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where the grief feels all consuming and I just want to stay in bed, pull the covers over my head, and hide from the world. Believe me, I do have days like that! And giving yourself permission to have one of those days every once in awhile is ok. And when it feels like the grief is going to win, I do something - like reach out to a fellow Birthmom Bud or journal. 


But most days, I get out of bed and push myself forward. I will not let the grief win! I will!


So, I ask you, which is it going to be today? Is the grief going to control you or will you control the grief?


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Quote of the Week: Change

Image credit: www.autism-community.com

"Change your thoughts and 

you change your world." 

-Norman Vincent Peale

Something Within You

Beautiful women, pause for a moment and think: Is there some area you have potential in you, that is just waiting to be remembered and or developed? I know there is. 


The definition of Nurture:
1. To feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.
2. To support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
3. To bring up; train; educate.
4. Rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.
5. Development: the nurture of young artists.
6. Something that nourishes; nourishment; food.


Nurture has the power to enlarge or awaken areas of your life that will make significant contributions to the world and those in it.


Any gift, ability, talent, or even pain we have is given to us to improve and enhance the lives of others.


There is something within you that this world desperately needs.

Beautiful single woman yes that is you, this is a season of waiting: this is your season of discovering who you truly are.


Beautiful married women this is a time to learn to love even when we may not want to, a time to never grow weary of doing right,  a time we learn to lead with out words but actions.


Beautiful grandmothers this is a season of perspective and recovery. Everything you would have done differently in raising your own children or in friendships begin to put into practice with those beautiful grandchildren and younger woman around you.


Beautiful mothers this is a season to see the small miracles of the world again, to learn to play, and slow down.  You will see that time is so precious.
 
Beautiful birthmothers, there is something waiting for you in this season. This is not a season of loss; it is a season of transition, release, and expansion. A season to grow in strength and peace and to learn the true meaning of the words to feel great loss is to feel great love. 

No matter which category or categories you fit into, there is something within you that this world desperately needs.


Be Blessed,


LeiLani

Read at Birthmother's Day 2011 and
adapted from Lisa Bevere’s book, Nurture

Congrats....I think?

Image credit: www.cutestthings.com

It’s been an interesting week.  One of our good friends and her husband just found out they’re pregnant for the first time.  I’ll bet you’re wondering how that ties in with me being a birthmother, but I think it does.

They happen to be one of the only couples Nick and I both know that don’t currently have any kids.  That makes it nice to hang out with them and not have to work around kids (babysitters and all the other considerations that go with raising children).  Obviously no more late nights out (at least for a good while), and if they bring their baby…no places that are loud (even the place where we all enjoy bowling gets really loud on weekend nights).

Though I was excited for them (even though I didn’t even know they were trying to have children), I couldn’t help the instant feeling of dread that passed through my body.  I will most likely be attending her baby shower when she has one, and of course I’ll have to deal with my own jealousy of the fact that I missed all that stuff with Mackenzie.  I didn’t know I was pregnant, yes.  But I still missed out on having a baby shower.  I missed eagerly sharing Facebook posts with all my friends while my little girl was growing inside me.  I still miss out on those things.  Though I’m becoming more open with the fact that I am indeed a birthmom, it’s not like I can post even about the day to day struggles and victories that come with raising children.

I’m happy for them.  I’ll just have to deal with the inevitable jealousy while I watch their child grow.

How do you deal with having friends getting pregnant and raising their children?  Is there a special way to cope or do you just try to ignore it and move on?

2011 Slideshow

The reason it says "evaluation copy" is because I used a trial version of a converter program. I had a lot of problems with it though and am looking for a new program. If anyone knows of a good program that converts a Power Point file into a WMV file please let me know!


Feel free to share the video with friends and family on your blogs, Facebook, via email, however you'd like!

Quote of the Week: Life is Like an Hourglass

"Life is like an hourglass. 

When everything hits the bottom, 

it's time to turn it around." 

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Quote of the Week: The Present

Image credit: libcom.org

"Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery.  And today?  Today is a gift.  That's why we call it the present." -Babatunde Olatunji

Birthmother's Day/Mother's Day

I know this is a very hard weekend for many of you. Try and be extra kind to yourself this weekend. Do something special for you such as take a long bubble bath, paint your toe nails a fun color, bake a yummy treat, buy yourself some flowers, or take a long walk. No matter what anyone else says - you are a good Mother - you put your child's needs above your own feelings and that is what any good Mother would do. 


Do something special for yourself - you deserve it! 


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Trust

Image credit: ravenwerks.com

Recently my daughter’s parents told me that they wanted to meet my family.  Nick’s too, but his is much farther away.  They then changed their minds.  Not because of anything I said, but simply because they were concerned that my family would be heartbroken if they could not have an ongoing relationship after meeting them, and they want my daughter to be able to ultimately make the decision whether she meets them or not.

During the process of talking about the possibility, we had some miscommunications and apparently some of the things I’ve said in previous letters to them were also misinterpreted.  I was able to clear those things up, but I said something during the process of clearing the misunderstandings that has really stuck with me.

I basically said that I tend to say things that I really don’t mean because I’m worried and extra cautious around them and the whole situation.  That’s understandable in part because I’ve obviously never been in a situation like this before.  But the extra caution I have because I’m worried that they’ll just suddenly choose to take my daughter and close off the adoption is not appropriate.

Yes, they could decide they want nothing more to do with Nick and me.  But in theory, something like that could happen in ANY sort of relationship.  Significant others (husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends) pick up and leave relationships all the time.  Most of us in relationships don’t expect to be left.  We expect our hearts to not be broken by the person we’ve chosen to be with.  We trust them with our hearts.

I need to learn to do the same thing with T & C.  I need to trust them with my whole heart.  They’ve proven time and again by their actions that they have no intention of shutting either Nick or me out of their lives.  So I will trust them.  I won’t hold things back or worry all the time that things I’ll say might be misinterpreted.  I know miscommunications will happen.  They do in any relationship.  But by worrying right now and being extra cautious about things I say, I know that I’m actually causing more misinterpretations and miscommunications than I would be if I just trust them with my thoughts and feelings.  Obviously there are appropriate and inappropriate things to say in any situation.  But I know that my internal filter will catch those things.

What about you?  Have you realized that you perhaps have said things you don’t mean because you’re being cautious with your heart?

More Recaps of Our Birthmother's Day Retreat

Yesterday, I shared Kristin's recap on our Birthmother's Day Retreat and Celebration. A couple of other girls wrote recaps on their personal blogs that I think are definitely worth checking out. 


Check out Amy's recap on her blog. 


Check out Monika's recap on her blog. 


And lastly, I wrote a bit about it on my personal blog and shared some of the decor in a separate post.

Not Alone

Birthmother's Day 2011 Recap by Guest Blogger, Kristin R. 

Wow. I don't even have words to describe this past weekend but I am going to try.

Friday night we went to dinner. It was the first time I had ever met any of these ladies and the friendship....the bond...was instant. It was almost overwhelming how instant the connection was between each of us. I felt free. These were my sisters. Women who had walked in my shoes and still are. We all had different stories, some very similar, some not. But we are all women who love our children and all are women who live each day without them.

Saturday was time for the actual event. We had speakers, breakout sessions, crafts, we did a balloon release with letters written to our children, a touching candle light service where we all lit a candle in honor of our child and said a prayer for them. Lots of laughter and tears. The tears were different from any tears I have shed before...these were healing tears. These were freeing tears. And most of all these were shared tears.

I'm taking away from this new friendships, new sisters, healing, memories, freedom, and a feeling of no longer being alone in this.

This is a weekend that I will think about often for awhile I'm sure. Next year's event can't come soon enough!

Photo Credit: Coley S.

Quote of the Week: Hope

Image credit: flickr.com

“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.” -Samuel Smiles